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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25410508">Finding Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annzy_Bananzy/pseuds/Annzy_Bananzy'>Annzy_Bananzy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Everyone Has Issues in South Park [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Underage Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:53:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25410508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annzy_Bananzy/pseuds/Annzy_Bananzy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Butters is a sobbing mess after his latest breakup, so Kenny does his best to cheer him up. After a lot of talking and a lot of sharing, Kenny and Butters decide to start dating, but it's not happily ever after from there. Kenny has some major baggage, and an abusive "ex" that doesn't quite want to leave him alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kenny McCormick/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Everyone Has Issues in South Park [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Talking it Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First and foremost: as the story progresses and anyone thinks I should include more tags, please tell me. I tried covering the majority of things that I think are important, and I do want to be clear in that my depictions of any sexual acts in this story are not graphic or detailed at all (because Kenny is 13 in this story, and because it's not my favorite thing to write anyway). But they are kind of blunt at times, as in saying "x" happened, so I put the rating at "M".<br/>This first chapter doesn't really cover Kenny's issues, but the second chapter and onward is mostly about him.<br/>With that out of the way, there are some cute and enjoyable moments that I'm really proud of in here! So I hope you all enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Dude, you have to do something about Butters.” Stan let his head fall against the locker next to Kenny’s. “You know him best, and his non-stop whimpering in class is getting on my fucking nerves.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny frowned as he shut his locker. “Oh, come on. School hasn’t even started yet, maybe he’ll be fine today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s been crying for the past </span>
  <em>
    <span>four days</span>
  </em>
  <span> because of Suzette.” Stan groaned and ran a hand down his face. “I know I should probably be more understanding because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that breakups are hard, but fuck—I don’t constantly whimper in class! I just implode internally!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you hanging around the goth kids again?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... No.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny rolled his eyes, adjusting the brown bandana around his mouth as he took in a deep breath. “Okay, okay, if he’s not feeling any better today, I’ll talk to him after school.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both boys winced when they heard a sudden sob echo throughout the halls. They turned just in time to see Butters running into the nearest bathroom, very clearly crying his heart out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What even set him off!?” Stan groaned, tugging his hat further over his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny sighed to himself, eyes glancing over to the sight of Tweek hugging Craig over by their lockers. No doubt that was the cause to make poor Butters burst into tears again. Don’t get Kenny wrong, he didn’t like the crying either, but he really thought it would be over by now. He’d been letting Butters cry on his shoulder every day after school since the breakup, but clearly that wasn’t working. Maybe Butters actually needed to talk this one out? He could do that, he supposed. He just hoped his crush on the heartbroken boy wouldn’t get in the way.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, maybe “crush” wasn’t the right word, considering Kenny had a “crush” on everyone in school. (It wasn’t his fault that everyone was attractive to him, in one way or another.) But Kenny did feel a lot of affection towards Butters, enough to the point where the bubbly blonde was on his mind at least once a day, and enough where every time he saw Butters smile he felt like he was melting. It was kind of scary, to be honest; Kenny was used to being attracted to people, that was easy to understand, but he’d never reacted like this to just a person’s smile before. He was used to daydreaming about making out or going a bit further with someone, but he’d never daydreamed about holding hands or cuddling before, yet that’s where his mind went with Butters. Was it just because he saw Butters as innocent? Or maybe he was just tired of short-term flings, and his brain was trying to tell him to try something new with someone so super sweet and understanding? It would definitely be different to every other relationship he’d had before, where he started dating someone for fun and then tried to like their personality. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he knew how Butters acted in a relationship. The boy was super serious and determined to make things last. He’d sacrifice so much of himself to make the other person happy, and Kenny could not stand to hurt him that way. He deserved someone who was willing to put in the work, someone who didn’t have a long track record of short relationships. Besides, Butters would probably get annoyed with him really quick, since Kenny had such high physical needs and was honestly kind of shit at emotional intimacy. That’s, like, the exact opposite of Butters’ needs, and it would no doubt lead to an inevitable breakup. Plus, last Kenny checked, Butters still thought of himself as straight. Kenny had often thought about just pulling Butters out of the closet by offering to kiss him and seeing how he reacted afterwards, but that was probably the wrong approach for someone like Butters. The boy got crushes so easily, Kenny would hate to make Butters think he had feelings for him after a simple kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, yeah, all these conflicting desires were why Kenny was worried that his “comforting” Butters would quickly turn into trying to kiss him or ask him out, which he wasn’t even sure was a good idea and which Butters definitely did not need right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Kenny could do this. He could shove his feelings aside and get the job done—all that mattered was that he helped Butters feel better. That’s what good </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span><strong>…</strong> </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Butterfly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters made a quiet sound to acknowledge him, his head firmly tucked into his locker. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny patted him on the back, frowning softly. “Are you coming to lunch?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny chewed at his lower lip, taking his hand off. The hall they were in still had a few stragglers running late to the cafeteria, so he waited until no one was around before asking, “Butters, what’s going on? It’s been days now. You’re not usually this downtrodden after a breakup.” Butters usually just cried for a day and then moved on, saying that while he was still sad, he was happy that they both could find someone better now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters sniffled for a bit, slowly raising his head to look at Kenny with bloodshot eyes. “I know.” He rubbed at one of his eyes, sucking a breath in. “It’s complicated, Ken.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny’s heart twisted with those words. What did that mean? Butters usually never had qualms about telling him anything, even if it was a long, confusing story. Maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it here? Geez, how much did he like this girl? “Well, can we talk about it after school?” Kenny asked, running his fingers through his own hair. “We’re all really starting to worry about you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters snorted, giving a genuine smile for the first time that whole week. “You mean you’re starting to worry?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, yes.” Kenny ignored what felt like a dormant volcano heating up in his stomach. “But the others are worrying, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters gave a short laugh, but the sound was enough for Kenny’s heart to start melting. He wanted to kiss him so, so bad, and run his fingers through his hair, and - God, when had he turned into such a sap? Why was it so hard to ignore his attraction when it came to Butters? He was fine controlling himself around his other friends, so why did Butters just hit all the right buttons? Just because he liked him didn’t mean he had to feel like this all the time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what do you say?” Kenny tried to move past the smoking volcano in his stomach. “We’ll hang out after school, and you can get it all off your chest. And then we’ll watch movies or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can it be a sleepover?” Butters asked, his eyes looking just a little bit brighter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.” Kenny smiled a little in return. “Whose house?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um…” Butters chewed at his lip, his eyes glancing side to side as he thought. “I know you don’t like to leave Karen alone with your parents much, so I could come over?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny swore his volcano was starting to rumble. Butters was too unbearably cute and thoughtful; fuck he was not going to survive this night. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pull it together, Kenneth</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “That sounds great, thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll bring a ton of snacks!” Butters clasped his hands together, already looking better. But that illusion quickly shattered when tears sprang to his eyes and his hands flung up to cover his face. “I’m s-sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to apologize.” Kenny stepped closer, pulling Butters into a hug as he told his heart to calm the fuck down. Especially when Butters latched onto him like a life preserver and buried his face into Kenny’s shoulder. “Let it all out, Buttercup.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters didn’t need a second invitation to start bawling his eyes out, his fists clutching Kenny’s coat tightly. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Sure you’re comfortable?” Kenny asked, sitting at the edge of his bed as he looked over his friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Butters was laying on one side of Kenny’s twin bed, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes. He had been smiling and laughing a little on the walk over, but once he got into Kenny’s room the tears came right back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—I hate this!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you hate exactly?” Kenny moved to lay on his side, facing Butters but being careful not to be so close as to touch him. “The breakup? The emotions?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters paused for a moment, bringing his legs up a little so he could hold them and stare at his jeans. “Both, I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, what made this breakup so hard?” Kenny asked, letting his head rest on the pillow as he looked at him. “What is it about Suzette?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters chewed at his lip, closing his eyes tight. “It’s, well, I, she… she was.” He groaned and buried his face into his knees. “She just helped me figure some things out, that’s all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What kinda things?” Kenny raised a brow. What, was it some kind of sexual awakening for him? Some webcam action? And why did that thought make a twinge of jealousy appear in his stomach? Butters could date whoever he wanted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t just Suzette,” Butters finally muttered, his face still pressed against his knees. “I was dating her and her friend, Antoine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny’s heart skipped a beat. “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, right?” Butters snorted, lifting his head to show that he was smiling while tears streamed down his face. “A long-distance poly relationship—how stupid is that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s, uh…” Kenny’s brain was busy rebooting. The poly relationship was enough to process, but on top of that—Antoine was a boy’s name, right? Since when did Butters date guys? Wasn’t he still in denial? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It started off with just Suzette.” Butters wiped at his eyes again, taking a deep breath. “And things were good. Then she started talking about her friend Antoine that she met at school, and I’ll admit I felt a little jealous, so I suggested all three of us have a video call together some time, and, well, things just progressed from there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who suggested going poly?” Kenny asked, his curiosity killing him at this point. “Her? Him? </span>
  <em>
    <span>You?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters’ face turned a bit pink. He cleared his throat before glancing away. “He did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What!?” Kenny sat up, staring at Butters with wide eyes. “Jesus—why didn’t you tell me about this earlier!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I d-didn’t know how long it would last!” Butters’ face was even brighter now, and he hid it with his hands again. “Things with both of them only lasted a month!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Butters, I have so many questions.” Kenny flopped onto his back, too distracted to worry about how his hand was lying right by Butters’ hip. “But, like… so you’re bi, right? Or pan?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know!” Butters groaned again. “It happened so fast! I just didn’t want to lose Suzette, so when Antoine suggested all three of us dating, and she seemed fine with it, I wanted to try it for her, you know? Even if I couldn’t tell my parents or really anyone about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Butters.” Kenny sighed, rubbing at his eyes. He could feel a small headache coming on. “This is why you should talk to me about this shit. Poly relationships aren’t for everyone, you know? Especially if you don’t even like guys.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never said I didn’t like guys,” Butters mumbled, burying his face against his knees again. “That’s one of the things Suzette helped me figure out. Or, well, her and Antoine, I guess.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny wished his heart hadn’t decided to skip another beat. Just as much as he wished his brain didn’t tell him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>He finally admits that he likes guys! You should totally kiss him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He squeezed his eyes tight as he asked, “Okay, well, how did they do that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was nothing they really did,” Butters mumbled, his hand pulling at the comforter right by Kenny’s hand. “I just really liked talking with Antoine. He was a huge flirt most of the time, which got me flustered and confused, and I didn’t really believe his compliments at first, but… he was so persistent. I thought he suggested the poly thing just to be closer to Suzette, so I wasn’t expecting all that attention from him, you know? But he made it real clear one night that he really liked </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And how did he do that?” Kenny asked through his teeth, a jealous pit in his stomach. Even if he knew it probably would end badly, he’d always secretly hoped he could be the one to make Butters realize he was bi, so hearing all this was a little too much to handle. But he could listen; he needed to, for Butters’ sake. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, um…!” Butters flushed brightly, a nervous smile worming its way onto his face. “We tried some s-sexy roleplaying. Heh, I hadn’t even tried that with Suzette, you know? It was… real good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If things were so good, how did the relationship end?” Kenny asked, really not wanting to hear any more about Antoine and his apparently good sexting skills. God, what was wrong with him; he wasn’t usually the jealous type. Live and let live, that was his motto. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um.” Butters’ smile fell, and he quickly buried his face into his knees again. “Suzette was acting real quiet and distant one night when we were all on a video call. I didn’t notice at first, but when Antoine asked her what was wrong, she said that she feels like a third wheel, and she wanted out of the relationship.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Kenny worried his lip, glancing over at Butters to see that he was shaking slightly. Shit, now he felt guilty for feeling jealous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t even care,” Butters continued, sniffling and clutching his legs tighter. “Honestly, my first thought was ‘that’s okay.’ But Antoine seemed heartbroken; he kept asking her why she hadn’t said anything sooner, how we could help her feel better, stuff like that, and… well, she blamed me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anger joined Kenny’s guilt, the two strong emotions wrestling with each other in his stomach. “Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because she said that I just seemed happier when Antoine was on screen, and that I tend to just talk to him instead of both of them.” He sniffled again, wiping desperately at the tears that just kept coming. “Then she told me that she didn’t think I could handle a poly relationship; that I only have room to care for one person at a time. Which isn’t a bad thing, she told me, but that I need to accept that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Butters.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So she hung up, and Antoine and I just kinda sat there, not sure what to do.” He sucked in a sudden breath, his voice wavering more as he began to audibly cry with his words. “We, we talked and, and he asked me if I really c-couldn’t be in a poly. I said I w-was willing to try anything! But he told me he d-didn’t want the same thing happening later on with another partner, because he </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted to be in a poly, like, he had this whole life goal of raising kids with two other people to end the stigma, but he w-wanted all three of them to be happy with everybody, not just him be happy! And I said I could try! And I kept suggesting things! But he didn’t like anything I said! And then I tried telling my parents about the b-breakup, but my d-dad got violent when I mentioned Antoine, so I just f-felt even worse, and, and…!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny sat up fully to pull Butters into a hug, rubbing at his back like he did that morning while Butters latched onto him again. There were a lot of things he could say right now, and he found himself unable to speak because of that. How the hell should he tackle this situation? What was hurting Butters the most? He thought it was just Suzette, but Butters’ last words made it very clear that he was really broken up over Antoine, not her, and that’s not even mentioning his awful parents. But was he broken up over Antoine specifically, or just the fact that he tried something with a boy and it didn’t work? Or was he more upset that he couldn’t make the poly relationship work? Damn it, it would help if he knew literally anything about Antoine; how could he not have noticed Butters was keeping such a huge secret? Wasn’t he Butters’ best friend? Why didn’t Butters tell him he was questioning, or doing anything like this? Didn’t Butters trust him anymore? </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, focus, Kenneth. This is not about you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a few loud sobs from Butters, Kenny made up his mind on what to tackle first. He swallowed, closed his eyes, and whispered, “You know, I tried being in a poly once, but my reasons weren’t so pure.” He felt Butters take a loud breath before he relaxed slightly against him. “My thought process was: hey, if I have two people to do stuff with, maybe my libido will calm the fuck down. And it did, kinda, but the other two took notice that I had a lot more physical needs than either of them, and it made them feel guilty. Like whenever they did anything with me, they had to do something else with the other partner. And that’s an exhausting mindset to have, so when we all sat down to talk about it I told them that it was fine if they just wanted me out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters lifted his head then, sniffling and frowning at Kenny with creased brows. “When was that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Couple months back.” Kenny shrugged, lifting a hand to run through Butters’ tuft of hair as he smiled at him. “It wasn’t a big deal. This isn’t about me, okay? I just said that to get to the point that not all relationships last. We’re young, so it’s good to experiment and see what works and what doesn’t, you know?” Kenny hugged him close again, laying his chin on Butters’ shoulder. “So it’s okay to cry about this. But just try and think about what you liked and didn’t like about the relationship. Because if you want to ‘try’ a poly again just for the sake of the other person, you’re not really taking into account what </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> want, or what you think would be good for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters sniffled, but after that he went quiet as he rested his head against Kenny’s, his arms wrapped tight around his waist. “You know, that all makes sense,” he mumbled, taking a deep breath. “I wanna be done talking about me for awhile.” He lifted his head, wiping the last of his tears away as he stared into Kenny’s eyes. “Can we watch movies now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.” Kenny smiled, having to strongly resist the urge to kiss his forehead. “I want some of those snacks you brought anyway.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cheering Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An old “friend” contacts Kenny on Monday. So what better way to ignore your problems than with a friend (crush) and some cats?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kenny and Butters spent the weekend together. Kenny was glad to see that Butters wasn’t bursting into tears every hour anymore, and the longer they hung out, the happier he seemed to get. So, Kenny felt really good on Monday morning going to school, confident that Butters would be back to his chipper self. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Stan popped up beside him by his locker again. “Is Butters all right now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He should be!” Kenny smiled behind his bandana, looking over at Stan and noticing his bloodshot eyes. “Have you been crying?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wendy and I broke up again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny had to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes. Instead he closed his locker, teasing, “And you’re telling me this because you finally wanna go on a date with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan scoffed and shook his head. “As if.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you’re right. You prefer a more kosher taste.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, shut the fuck up!” Stan pushed at Kenny’s shoulder, his cheeks darkening. “Don’t say that shit out loud.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny just snickered, wrapping an arm around Stan’s shoulder as they walked through the halls. “Suit yourself. But now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I should ask Kyle out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet he’s really fun to kiss when he’s angry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan pushed him away, glaring as he hissed, “Like Kyle would kiss you? Or any guy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’d be surprised what Kyle would do.” Kenny blew Stan a kiss, waving him off as he headed down to Butters’ locker. He did not want to deal with Stan’s melodrama today; he’d check on him later in the week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he was leaning against Butters’ locker, he pulled out his phone to check his Snapchat messages. He relied on the school’s free wifi for any social media, since his parents decided they couldn’t afford a data plan and their internet at home was garbage. He was grateful to have unlimited texting at least, but still. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was surprised to see an actual picture was sent to him by “Big Dichard,” an eleventh grader that Kenny sometimes fooled around with. Kenny hadn’t heard from him in at least a month, which was good because nowadays he just felt sick in his stomach whenever he thought about Richard. The high schooler had just seemed like a fun, older kid when Kenny met him in fifth grade; they talked, and laughed, and experimented together, normal stuff. Then Kenny hit seventh grade and warning bells started going off when they were together. Richard became more pushy, actually getting angry if Kenny was too busy to hang out when he wanted. He talked Kenny into more things, instead of just sticking to what was comfortable, and he took longer to stop when Kenny wanted to do something else. It was honestly getting harder and harder to enjoy any time with him, even if it was less than an hour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny was grateful for one thing; Richard didn’t consider himself a cheater, so if either of them were dating someone, then they wouldn’t do anything together. Kenny always felt relieved when Richard told him about a new girlfriend he was seeing, and he always hoped this one would stick around for awhile so he could just quietly distance himself from Richard. But that was proving more difficult than he thought; most girls didn’t stick around that long, not that he could blame them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny took a deep breath before opening the message, groaning when it turned out to be a dick pic, along with the words: “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Missing you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seriously, Richard?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ken!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny almost dropped his phone when Butters walked up to him. “Hey!” He shoved his phone in his pocket, his heart pounding in his ribcage as a heated itchiness rolled across his body. He really hoped his phone was tilted enough that Butters didn’t see anything. “You’re looking better, at least.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters gave him a weak smile as he began unlocking his locker. “I’m wearing concealer to hide the bags under my eyes. I kinda sorta cried a lot before bed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have called me, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but.” He opened the locker, sighing as he looked at him. “I think I rely on you too much. Plus, there was just a lot going on in my brain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny itched at one of his forearms, his heart still thumping away from what he saw on his phone. “Yeah, but if you’re still upset over Antoine—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Suzette!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Butters cut him off, his face just a few shades paler as he stared at him. “You mean Suzette.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Kenny dug his nails into his arm, nodding. Of course, Butters wasn’t out yet. Did he even think of himself as bi? A question for later, he supposed. “Right. If you’re still upset over Suzette, we could hang out again after school?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Butters asked, shoving some books back into his locker. “Don’t you wanna spend time with someone else? Someone less mopey?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I’d rather spend time with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny smiled a bit when Butters’ cheeks bloomed a medium pink. “You’re such a flatterer, you know that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been told.” Kenny chuckled, crossing his arms as Butters closed his locker. “So, what do you say? I know exactly where to take you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going someplace?” Butters brightened, his wide eyes full of that joyful shine that Kenny loved to see. “Where?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someplace that always cheers me up.” Kenny nodded, giving a thumbs up. “I’ll help you forget all about that pesky French girl.” </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Kenny was hanging out by the flagpole, idly watching the swarm of students leave for home as he waited for Butters to meet him. He jumped a bit when he felt his phone buzz, and when he looked at the screen he saw that Big Dichard was calling him through Snapchat. The school’s WiFi actually reached all the way out here? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny winced, debating whether to pick up or not. If he ignored him, Richard might try and find him, and he’d rather not have Butters meet him. With a weary sigh, he answered and held the phone up to his ear. “Hey, Biggs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the fuck are you? Why didn’t you answer at lunch?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m busy helping a friend.” Kenny pushed at the base of the flagpole with the sole of his shoe, looking around and praying Richard wasn’t anywhere near him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you couldn’t have just told me that? Fuck Kenny, I’ve been thinking about you all day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny remembered when a sentence like that would send heat through his whole body. Now he just felt nauseous. “Heh, thanks. I thought you were with Charlene now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, she didn’t put out enough. You know how it is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny winced, praying that he’d never said that about anybody. He had a sinking feeling that he used to think the same way, though. “Sorry to hear that, man.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, whatever. You free tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I’ll have to check.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard laughed, and the sound made Kenny’s skin crawl. “Just make time for me, come on. We haven’t seen each other in like a month.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but I’m probably going to be busy this week—“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, don’t you miss me?” Richard asked, lowering his voice as he added, “I know your body like the back of my hand. I can make you feel like a queen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny grit his teeth, his free hand clenching into a fist as he started shaking. He didn’t want it. He was starting to feel itchy all over just imagining all of the things he’d done with Richard in the past. He wanted to throw up remembering certain parts, he even wanted to just flat-out </span>
  <em>
    <span>forget</span>
  </em>
  <span> half of their time together. So why was he still getting a little hard? Was he just that much of a whore? Well, he supposed he knew that, but how could he think so badly of Richard, and yet </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> part of him still wanted to get it on with him? What was wrong with him? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Biggs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could do it at Stark’s pond. I know you like that, little exhibitionist. I’ll even pick you and Karen up after school if you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Kenny clamped his mouth shut, hoping he wasn’t too loud. The last thing he wanted was for Karen to meet this asshole. “No, no—tomorrow’s fine. I’ll meet you at the usual place after school.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweet. See ya then, Barbie doll.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stared at his phone after he hung up, his hand shaking slightly. He couldn’t wait till Richard went off to college. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Ken!” Butters ran up to him then, panting and red in the face. “I’m here now, let’s get Karen—are you okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” Kenny forced a smile onto his face, pocketing his phone. “Let’s go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny was grateful when Karen and Butters mainly talked to each other on the walk home. They had this pretend game they liked to play, where Karen was a time-traveling detective and Butters fulfilled whatever role she gave him for that day. This time she wanted Butters to be a farmer, so he was rambling on about the farm chores he apparently did throughout the day. Kenny couldn’t help but smile as he listened, his nerves easing away the farther they got from school. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So when you were done slopping the pigs,” Karen hummed, stroking at her chin as if she was deep in thought, “that’s when you heard the screaming?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right, ma’am!” Butters nodded very seriously. “And I took my trusty shepherd dog with me to check it out, and that’s when I saw Mrs. Fairfield laying dead in the corn!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what would you say if I said we could go back in time and see Mrs. Fairfield just a few minutes before her untimely demise?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters gasped, covering his mouth with one hand. “Why, I’d say that’s impossible, ma’am! Time travel, gee willikers! I might faint!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen couldn’t keep a straight face at that and burst into giggles, covering her mouth with both hands. “You’re too funny, Butters!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters? Why, my name’s Ol’ Brickbarn!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen laughed even louder, tripping on the sidewalk and having to throw her arms out to keep her balance. She giggled a bit more before turning to look at Kenny. “Trisha invited me over to her house tomorrow! I can go, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow?” Kenny actually felt relieved. She wouldn’t have to take the bus home by herself then. “Sure, that’s fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh!” Butters beamed at Kenny. “Then you can come to my house, Ken!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Kenny felt cold sweat forming on his back. “Um, yeah, that sounds fun. I’ll come over around five.” Both Karen and Butters seemed confused, so he quickly added, “I’m just meeting someone before then, nothing serious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry!” Butters frowned, facing forwards again. “I should have asked if you were busy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really not a big deal.” Kenny grabbed Butters’ hand, pulling his bandana down so Butters could see his smile. “I wanna hang out with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny relaxed when Butters returned his smile, squeezing his hand back. The heart beating quickly against his chest felt almost comforting rather than painful now.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t much longer before they dropped Karen off at home. Kenny hugged her tight and kissed her head, assuring her that he’d be back home before mom returned from work. She didn’t seem too bothered and simply gave Kenny and Butters a hug each before skipping inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right.” Kenny gestured for Butters to follow him down the road. “To my favorite alley.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An alley?” Butters seemed surprised. “How does an alley cheer you up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll see!” Kenny grinned at him, happily leading the way down two blocks and into a dimly-lit alleyway between a bar and a grocery store. The narrow space was filled with garbage cans, old tires, and general trash lying around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now what?” Butters asked, scrunching up his nose from the smell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny gave a high-pitched whistle, brightening when three familiar cats showed their faces from behind various pieces of trash. “Meet Taco, Crackers, and Muffins.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters gasped, his jaw going slack as he saw two of the cats pad right up to Kenny for pettings. “Holy moly! You tamed wild cats?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, they’re not really wild,” Kenny argued as he knelt on the ground, stroking Taco’s orange fur while Muffins’ brown feet pawed at his thigh. Crackers stayed behind to watch, his long, black tail flicking about behind him. “They’re just abandoned housecats. Did take a few weeks for them to get this comfortable around me, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” Butters cautiously stepped closer to Kenny, watching carefully to make sure he didn’t spook any of the cats. “Do you think they’d let me pet them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I show them it’s okay, maybe.” Kenny smiled at him, extending his hand to him. “Here, let’s show them we’re friends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters smiled back, happily taking Kenny’s hand once they were close enough. “Gentle,” Kenny whispered. Once Butters was kneeling, he slowly brought Butters’ hand in to replace his own on Taco’s head. “Taco’s the friendliest. Crackers is the most temperamental still.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s so soft!” Butters giggled, his smile so wide it might split his face. It wasn’t long before he was stroking at Taco’s head and cheeks with both hands. “He’s purring!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Told ya.” Kenny laughed, giving some attention to Muffins now since she wouldn’t stop rubbing her head against his leg. “Gee, Muff, you must have missed me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters couldn’t stop giggling as he pet Taco to his heart’s content. Kenny felt his heart melting in his chest, wanting nothing more than to kiss him and feel that bubbly laugh against his mouth. To run his fingers through that tuft of blonde hair, stroke those pudgy cheeks, kiss along that scar on his eye that still made Kenny feel bad—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny groaned to himself and closed his eyes, reminding himself that Butters had </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>had a breakup and didn’t need a rebound. Besides, just because Butters had been fine dating Antoine didn’t mean he was ready to date another boy. Plus, Kenny didn’t want to risk what they had now; he wasn’t confident that their friendship could survive a romantic-relationship-gone-wrong. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Emotional intimacy, not your strong suit. Remember, Kenneth?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He’d rather keep Butters as a friend than not have him at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah, there are a lot of reasons not to push Butters against the building and kiss him senseless. Plenty of good reasons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I can hold him?” Butters asked, thankfully interrupting Kenny’s fantasies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taco should be fine to hold, yeah. His claws are pretty sharp though, so be careful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters beamed and happily scooped Taco up into his arms, laughing again when the cat gave a meow of surprise. Once Butters had a hold of him, he happily rubbed his cheek against the cat’s fur, giggling again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny smiled to himself, plopping down on the ground and sitting cross-legged so Muffins could sprawl in his lap. “So, what’d I tell you? This place cheer you up or what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely!” Butters chirped, squealing once when Taco licked his cheek. “Oh, nice tongue.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny couldn’t help but snort, his mind immediately plummeting into the gutter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Butters looked over at him. “Did I say something weird again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no way you </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> say that on purpose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t!” Butters pouted while Taco rubbed against his neck. “I just don’t think about that stuff, that’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snickered a bit more, letting Muffins paw at his chest a bit. “Really? Even after doing sexy roleplays with Antoine?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters flushed and looked away, stammering nonsense syllables before deciding on what he wanted to say. “I know I said it was sexy, but it was just texts about making out and stuff. Still a lot for me to handle, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Kenny tilted his head at Butters, thinking about how almost all of Butters’ relationships have been online so far. “Have you ever made out with anyone in person?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters winced, hugging Taco close to his chest as he stared at the ground. “I haven’t really had the chance to. Does that make me weird?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, not at all.” Kenny shook his head. “There’s no timeline to follow for this stuff. You can go your whole life without making out if you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Golly, I don’t want to do that.” Butters glanced shyly up at Kenny. “From what I’ve read, it’s supposed to feel nice, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny gave a small chuckle, his stomach rolling around inside him. The forefront of his mind wanted him to say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Would you like to find out?</span>
  </em>
  <span> But the rational part of his brain had him clear his throat. “Yeah, it feels nice. Especially if you’re both communicating well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters gave a short laugh, smiling down at Taco as he resumed petting him. “That’s what Antoine would always say, too. Communication is key.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Cause it is.” Kenny nodded in begrudging approval. Even if he might feel a little jealous of Antoine, he sounded like a good first boyfriend for Butters to have had. “Nobody’s a mindreader.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unless you’re psychic.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, obviously.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you liked the chapter, please consider leaving a comment! Thank you for reading so far ^-^ </p><p>Next chapter, you’ll all see more of Richard.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Richard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kenny is fine, fine, fine! Okay? An hour with Richard isn't so bad. He doesn't even remember most of it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning was very normal for Kenny. He stretched out and popped his joints a bit, got dressed, braided Karen’s hair, helped Kevin with breakfast, and then they all headed to school together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You working after school again?” Kenny asked his big bro. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” Kevin was trying to save up for a car, so once he turned sixteen he’d applied to every place in town until he finally got a job at a Subway. “But if dad asks, I’m doing homework at a friend’s place.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny nodded and gave a simple hum in response. Their dad was between jobs, again, so he’d often ask Kevin for some cash when he remembered his son was working. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to Trisha’s today!” Karen reminded her brothers, smiling brightly at both of them. “And Kenny’s meeting with someone after school.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters,” Kenny cut in before Karen could say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued anyway. “Yeah, but you’re meeting someone else before then, too!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin gave Kenny an odd look. “Who?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just an old friend.” Kenny looked away, his heart practically palpitating. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please don’t—</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karen, walk ahead for a bit,” Kevin told her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen looked between her two brothers before nodding and picking up the pace, walking a few yards ahead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to worry,” Kenny mumbled, feeling Kevin’s eyes on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you acting nervous?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just thinking of something else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny.” Kevin sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “You know I think you’re too young, but if you need to get tested again—“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you even tell me who it is?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I know them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so,” Kenny was quick with his response, his blood running cold. He tried not to think about this often, but Kevin probably </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> know Richard, or at least knew of him. They probably shared classes together, ate in the same cafeteria, maybe even exchanged pleasantries in the halls—the thought made Kenny feel nauseous. How pissed would his brother be if he knew about them? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re in danger, you know you can tell me, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can take care of myself.” Kevin had enough to worry about anyway; Kenny didn’t need to add to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin moved closer, placing a hand on Kenny’s shoulder and squeezing it lightly. “I know you’re a tough kid, Kenny, but you can ask for help if you need it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Kenny pulled his bandana down, giving his brother a toothy smile so he’d relax a bit. “But I’m fine! See? All smiles!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled a little in return, but it quickly dropped back into a worried expression. “I mean it, Kenny. If you need help getting out of something, just ask.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on.” Kenny pulled his bandana up again, forcing himself to look at his brother as he lied, “It’s just a bit of fun. You know how I am.” </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>As soon as Kenny got to school, he felt his phone buzz with a snapchat message. Of course it was from Richard; probably wanted to make sure he’d actually show up. He took a deep breath before swiping and reading whatever Big Dichard had to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
    <span>Ready for this afternoon, beautiful?</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em> </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If by ready he meant shaky and nauseous, then yes. <em>“</em></span>
  <em>
    <span>You bet.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kenny.” Kyle joined him in walking to the eighth grade hallway, yawning a bit. “You doing all right with homework?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thanks.” Kenny gave him a thumbs up. “We still doing that study group thing tomorrow?” They tried to get some friends together every Wednesday to study after school. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, I don’t know.” Kyle rolled his eyes. “Wendy doesn’t want to come, obviously, and Stan’s acting all clingy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny groaned. “I forgot they broke up again. Maybe we should just cancel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or you could invite Butters,” Kyle suggested. “He’s free now that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Kenny didn’t respond right away, instead checking what Big Dichard sent him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
    <span>I’ll take good care of you, don’t worry ;*</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em> </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Butters is probably free.” Kenny shoved his phone in his pocket without responding. “I’ll ask him at lunch.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Butters wore a big smile as he pushed some of his books into his locker. “I forgot you guys studied on Wednesdays! I’d love to come!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great.” Kenny let his head rest against the locker adjacent to his, closing his eyes. “Because Stan’s probably going to be all dramatic.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, ‘cause of Wendy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Do you think this time Stan and Kyle will finally hook up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted, grinning behind his bandana. “You see it, too, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.” Butters’ laugh sounded a little nervous to Kenny’s ears. “I mean, they are awfully close, right? It would make sense.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea.” Kenny rolled his eyes, images flashing through his mind of Kyle breaking down crying over his feelings for Stan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters chuckled a bit, closing his locker before looking at him. “Kenny, are you okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve just been acting different today, that’s all,” Butters said, starting to walk towards the cafeteria so Kenny would follow. “Like you’re worried about something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny grit his teeth, his mind immediately thinking of those stupid Snapchats he read that morning. “I’m okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” Butters obviously wasn’t convinced. “You keep staring into space. Usually you doodle in class.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, are you watching me?” Kenny joked, desperately wanting to get off this topic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters’ cheeks turned a bit pink, a small smile on his face. “Well, it’s like you say—you can’t help but watch a cute boy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” Kenny suddenly felt way too warm in his winter coat. Was Butters flirting with him??</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, um, anyway!” Butters fiddled with his fingers, staring down a bit as he continued, “If you say you’re okay, I’ll believe you. But I want you to talk to me, too, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah okay.” Kenny looked away, glad his bandana covered his smile. Butters probably hadn’t been trying to flirt, so he’d just let it slide. “Thanks, Butterfly.” </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Kenny chewed at the edge of his pencil, glancing over at the clock every two minutes. It was almost 3:30, then he’d meet Richard behind the school, and then he could just relax and enjoy Butters’ company. And if that wasn’t enough, he could steal one of dad’s beers to take the edge off. He could do this; he’d done it before and he was fine. Besides, he’d get some enjoyment out of it, right? He was Kenny McCormick, the town slut, the guy that was always down for anything, the guy who’d literally killed himself chasing an orgasm before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So why did his skin feel like it was being clawed up by rats at the thought of Richard touching him? Why did all of those words that used to make him shiver and moan now make him want to hide and throw up? Why did he no longer feel like a cat in heat just imagining those sexy eyes staring at him like he was the most priceless thing on the planet? And despite all that, why did a teeny-tiny part of him still feel excited at the idea of meeting with him? Kenny didn’t get it. He still got hard and his body still reacted in all the right ways while they were doing it, but he just felt itchy and gross right before it and right afterwards. He used to be able to enjoy sex so much more, even when he ended up doing something he didn’t really want to. When did that change? This used to be all so purely physical, when did his brain start getting involved? And why didn’t he listen to it more? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny squeezed his eyes shut when the final bell rang. Here it goes. He shoved all of his things into his backpack and tried to speed down the halls, taking a few detours before making his way outside and over to the back of the high school. It was a weird, U-shaped building with some staircases leading into the basement level floors. The perfect hiding place for a little rendezvous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sat at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the cloudy sky as he listened to the sounds of chirping birds mixing with the distant sounds of high schoolers driving off. He always came early to these things; Richard waited until almost everyone went home before showing up, so he’d be here alone for about a half hour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Actually, Richard would probably have messaged him by now. Kenny pulled out his phone, groaning when he had to re-log into the high school’s wifi. He couldn’t wait to get his own job, then he and Kevin could just get their own data plan. Once he could finally check Snapchat, he wasn’t surprised to see a picture was sent to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Richard, with his greased-up black hair, his navy blue topless cap, and his barely-there goatee, winking into the camera with a smug grin. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be there after 4. Why don’t you get ready for me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny felt his stomach churning around inside him. Whatever, at least Richard didn’t ask for any nudey pics this time. He took a quick picture of him flashing a peace sign and winking back at the camera, his mouth still covered by his bandana. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kk. See you soon, Biggs</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The phone lay beside him on the stairs as he rummaged inside his backpack. He’d sewn in a secret pocket on the inside just to conceal a few packets of condoms and lube, but looking at his secret stash now it looked like he’d need to make a trip to the store. God, when was the last time he’d shopped for this stuff? It must have been months by now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s head felt light as he tore open a condom, his hands numb as he went through the motions of undressing and warming up his body. Everything looked like a foggy dream as he watched his body react, his mind wandering into thoughts of colors and shapes instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t even realize how long he’d been like that until he felt Richard wrap his arms around him and kiss the back of his neck. Kenny just closed his eyes, enjoying blackness for awhile and letting his body have the fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard’s red jeep drove lazily down the road, the radio softly playing as Kenny let his head rest against the window. His body still felt numb, except for an itchy sensation all across his face. Richard had taken his bandana and was going to give it back to him after dropping him off at Stark’s pond, which left him feeling more vulnerable than he liked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still as good as I remember,” Richard complimented. “We should really do this more often, Ken.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Kenny squeezed his eyes shut. How could he have been that good if all he could remember were bits and pieces? “I’m studying with friends tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn.” Richard tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “I’m working the rest of the week after tomorrow.” Kenny felt his whole body relax after hearing that. His inner peace quickly died at these next words, though: “Whatever, sometime next week, then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Kenny sighed, and then immediately bit at his tongue when he realized he’d done that out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s with that reaction?” Richard’s voice got low, a tinge of danger sending a shiver down Kenny’s spine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Kenny turned his head, grinning at him to hopefully stave off his violent tendencies. “Just tired.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard scoffed, his teeth clenching. “Don’t act like that. I didn’t push you for anything beyond the norm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Kenny looked back out the window, scratching at his chin. “It was really good, Biggs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Neither of us are dating anyone right now.” Richard reached over to stroke at Kenny’s thigh, sending painful, fiery lines across his skin. “So we can have as much fun as we want. Nice and casual, just like the good old days.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah.” The drawling, sensual voice that came out of Kenny sounded like an alien to his ears. “It’s always fun with you, Big D.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard chuckled, squeezing Kenny’s leg. “You haven’t called me that since last year. I think I like that better than Biggs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noted.” Kenny grabbed Richard’s hand, entwining their fingers just so his leg stopped feeling like it was burning. “I’ll start calling you that again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great.” Richard chuckled. “Never change, Barbie.” He brought the car to a stop, squeezing Kenny’s hand before gesturing outside. “All right, here you are. I’ll message you tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll look forward to it.” Kenny pushed open the door, stepping out and sliding his backpack around his shoulders before looking up at him. “My bandana, Big D?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right.” He pulled it out of his back pants’ pocket, handing it to him with a wink. “Till next time, baby doll.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny made himself laugh a little, winking back as he took it. He stood and waved as Richard drove off, even though his knees felt like giving out at any second. He gasped for air and clutched at his chest once that red jeep was out of his sights. Everything felt so tight, too tight—God, he’d rather be numb again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced himself to turn, heading down the street to Butter’s house. His head pounded along with his heartbeat, that itchiness spreading from his face and down his chest, his arms, his hips, his legs—everywhere Richard had touched. Damn it, why couldn’t he have just stayed numb for the next few hours? Now he felt like he needed a shower; would Butters mind if he took one? Probably not, Butters was sweet. But he had to get there first, which was becoming very difficult to do when he wouldn’t stop taking shallow breaths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny!” Butters had just opened the door and was already moving in for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny quickly stepped to the side, shooting him an apologetic look. “Sorry, uh, I just ran here and I feel gross—can I take a shower first?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Butters laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck as he straightened his posture. He wore a pink and orange striped sweater that looked really soft, if Kenny was being honest. Probably a perfect hugging partner if he didn’t feel so off. “Sure, Ken! Do you wanna borrow some clothes of mine, too?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Honestly, the thought of wearing Butters’ clothes made Kenny feel a cozy warmth, but the itchiness he still felt across his body made him feel too dirty to accept. “You don’t have to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense!” Butters beamed and gestured for Kenny to step inside so he could close the door. “You’re skinnier than me, so any of my clothes should fit you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really, I’m fine.” Kenny smiled, glad he hadn’t put his bandana back on so Butters could see it. “I’ll just wash up quick, no big deal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters pouted at him. “I’m giving you clothes anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Kenny.” Mrs. Stotch walked out of the kitchen, heading over to greet them with a pleasant smile. “It’s so nice to have you over!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for having me, Mrs. Stotch.” Kenny nods his head at her. “I promise not to be a bother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’d hope so.” She sighed, putting a hand to her cheek. “And I’m sorry to ask this, but you boys need to keep the door open while you’re upstairs. My husband’s been a little on edge with Butters lately.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, come on.” Butters huffed and crossed his arms. “Dad isn’t even home yet!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll be home before dinner, dear—just keep the door open.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Butters turned and started stomping up the stairs. “Come on, Kenny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, right.” Kenny waved at Mrs. Stotch before following after him, his heart tightening. When they got to his room, he dropped his backpack at the door and stepped close enough to Butters to whisper, “Is your dad even okay with me being over?” Surely the adults have heard about his reputation by now, even if his own parents were denying it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care.” Butters clenched his teeth, going over to his dresser and pulling open the drawers. He started picking through his clothes as he grumbled, “Dad still goes to that stupid bathhouse and I can’t even have a friend over?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, he is?” Kenny’s eyes widened. “How do you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He talks to me about it when he’s been drinking sometimes.” Butters sighed, pulling out a yellow sweatshirt that had a smiling, green boba tea on it, the words “Suck my balls” written underneath. “Here, wear this after your shower.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny laughed as he took it, grinning. “You know, I never see you wear this. Don’t you like my Christmas gifts?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters smiled back at him before playfully pushing him towards the door. “It’s more your style.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I gonna have some pants, too, or you just want to see me in my underwear?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters’ cheeks flushed bright red as he pulled out another drawer, rummaging through it. “Heh, I mean, I guess I’m a little curious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny clutched the sweatshirt tight in his fingers, a warm shiver rolling through him. Butters had to be flirting this time, right? He wouldn’t say that if he wasn’t! But what should he say in return? He would have loved to flirt in kind, say he’d be </span>
  <em>
    <span>glad</span>
  </em>
  <span> to show him what’s underneath the underwear, too. But his skin began itching again, his mind picturing Richard’s hands over him and making his chest tighten. He didn’t, he couldn’t—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” Buttes handed him some bright pink athletic pants, snapping him out of his thoughts. “This is your style, too, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um.” Kenny blinked a few times, coming back to the present moment in a slight daze. “Yeah, thanks.” He took them with a forced grin, heading towards the door. If he’d been in his right mind, he would have also teased Butters about the color, but as he stood right now he just wanted to feel somewhat clean again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a quick but warm shower, Kenny sighed in relief as he dried himself off. His skin didn’t feel itchy anymore, and when he slipped on the clothes Butters had given him, he just felt a soothing warmth. He smiled down at the boba on the sweatshirt, hugging himself afterwards and closing his eyes. He was safe, he was fine, he was with a friend. He’d just forget about everything else that happened today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He headed back to Butters’ room, smiling when he saw that the boy was laying on his bed, balancing his laptop on his stomach as he watched something. Butters looked up when Kenny came in, though, expression brightening as he gestured for Kenny to join him. “Hey! What would you like to watch?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever is fine.” Kenny dropped his old clothes by his backpack and hopped up onto the bed. He laid down next to Butters, careful not to touch him as he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters glanced at him, his eyes looking Kenny up and down once before he asked, “Kenny, can I hug you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny almost expected that itching feeling to return, but he still just felt nice and warm. “Um, sure, if you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters beamed, happily pushing his laptop off to the side. In a flash, he rolled over and laid completely on top of Kenny, his sweater-clad arms worming their way down to wrap around Kenny’s midsection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny really, really felt warm when Butters nuzzled his cheek against his shoulder. He hesitated just a bit before letting his arms rest on top of Butters’ back, a small smile making its way onto his face. “What’s this for?” he whispered, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the pressure on top of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno,” Butters mumbled. “You just seemed sad today, Kenny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I really?” Kenny began brushing his fingers against Butters’ back, not sure how to process everything he was feeling right then. One thing was for sure, he definitely enjoyed being held like this way more than anything he’d done with Richard. But he also felt scared—since when had Butters been able to read him so easily? He wasn’t sure if he liked that. He didn’t want anyone, especially Butters, worrying about him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Butters hummed in the back of his throat before lifting his head, meeting his eyes with a frown. “Are you sure there isn’t anything you wanna talk to me about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny felt his mouth go dry as he glanced away. “Not right now, Buttercup. But thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters continued to look at him a bit longer, as if trying to work out what to say. “Can we have another sleepover this Friday?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another one?” Kenny smiled, bringing one of his hands up to play with Butters’ hair. “I don’t see why not, if your parents let you come over again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I just ask my mom, I’ll be able to go.” Butters let his head rest on Kenny’s shoulder again. “Then dad’ll just yell at me on Sunday, maybe ground me, and things are back to normal by Monday.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sighed slightly, starting to trace circles across Butters’ back now. “Has he ever hit you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, he’s all talk. Sometimes he’ll throw things, but never at me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus.” Were there no good dads in this town? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t blame him too much,” Butters told him quietly. “I know he wants what’s best for me, he just goes about it wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes you’re too nice, Butters.” Kenny chuckled, teasingly poking at his side just to watch the boy jump a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Butters laughed, lifting his head to grin at him. “If you’re starting a tickle fight, you better be prepared!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No war here.” Kenny held his hands by his head, glancing up and away as if to show he’s no threat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah?” Butters grinned wider before mercilessly tickling Kenny’s sides. “Well I’ll just make sure of that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny burst into laughter, lightly grabbing at Butters’ arms as if to push him off, but he didn’t really try too hard. He rather liked how such a nice, playful action made him feel more normal, more like himself than he’d felt all day. He felt tingly, yes, but it wasn’t painful, it wasn’t numbing, it was just warm and pleasant. He almost complained when Butters’ stopped tickling, instead just giggling along with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two laughed together for a few moments, smiling at each other with a brightness in their eyes. Butters worried at his lower lip, glancing down before whispering, “Kenny, can I—?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters!” Mr. Stotch’s loud and stern voice made both boys jump. “Dinner’s ready, so don’t keep us waiting now!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, criminy.” Butters groaned as he pushed himself off of Kenny. “I didn’t even hear him come in! Oh, well.” He hopped onto the ground, smiling wide at Kenny and offering his hand to him. “Let’s go eat!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny nodded, happily taking his hand and walking with him down the stairs. His heart felt like it was stuttering, his mind going over Butters’ shy expression right before Mr. Stotch had interrupted. It had almost seemed like Butters wanted to kiss him, but that was silly, right? Just his mind making him see what he wanted. There was no way Butters was ready to kiss anyone after a whole week of crying over Antoine, that was just ridiculous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But still, Kenny had a feeling he’d be picturing that face in his dreams tonight. Ugh, he really was a pervert, wasn’t he? </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was mainly the chapter that made me decide to put the rating at "M" instead of "T". Nothing's explained in detail, but I thought there was still enough written to warrant a higher rating? I'm not sure, maybe I'll change it later if I hear other opinions. </p><p>Next chapter is the second sleepover with Kenny and Butters!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Talking it Out (Again)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kenny finally tells Butters (some of) what's been going on in his love life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter!! Reading them make me smile a lot ^-^ I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, too! I think this is the longest one in the fic XD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The rest of the week passed by without much incidence for Kenny. After dinner with Butters, he went home in that same sweatshirt and sweatpants and slept in them, wanting to continue feeling warm and safe. He’d wash them and give them back at their sleepover that weekend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard did message him throughout the week just as he promised. It was either stupid things like “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Can’t wait to see you again</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” and “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You dreaming of me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” or just dick pics or requests for pictures in return. Kenny tried to respond as little as possible, praying that Richard would find a girlfriend by next week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin still voiced some concerns to Kenny each morning, but he did say that he thought Kenny was acting more like himself now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even Stan was doing all right at the Wednesday study group. Kyle was still annoyed by just how often Stan wanted a hug from him, but thankfully Butters’ cheerful attitude kept things moving forward without much drama. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time Friday rolled around, Kenny felt nothing but excited for the weekend as he walked home with Butters and Karen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you’re coming over again!” Karen was skipping as she smiled at Butters. “Can we all play a game after dinner?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see why not!” Butters chuckled, looking over at Kenny. “That all right with you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if I can be a princess,” Kenny joked, ruffling Karen’s hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen gasped, clasping her hands together as she smiled up at him. “Then I should paint your nails!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What color?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pink! To match your dress, of course!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should my nails be painted, too?” Butters asked, laughing when Karen happily latched onto his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! I’ll give you a light blue, like your eyes!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters laughed and looked down at his nails, wiggling his fingers. “I think that’ll look pretty!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen beamed and started skipping down the street ahead of them, giggling as she did. “Come on! Let’s hurry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay in sight, Karen,” Kenny called to her, a relaxed smile on his face. “We’re not skipping.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pouted at him, but didn’t seem to mind so much as she continued down the sidewalk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters laughed a little as he watched her. “She has so much energy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes you think of our youth, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ken, we’re only three years older.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I already feel like retiring.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters snorted and bumped their shoulders together. “You’re ridiculous.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look who’s talking.” Kenny pulled his bandana down to smile at him. “Thanks for offering to have your nails painted.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s no trouble. I’ve seen her work on your hands—it’ll be like a little spa treatment!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should do facemasks, too, if that’s the case.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could get some mud from the backyard?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, no thanks—I’ll buy us some masks for next time!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to.” Kenny looked away, frowning. “We don’t need fancy things like that to have a good time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Ken.” Butters grabbed Kenny’s hand, squeezing it tightly as he told him, “But I want to do it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny squeezed his hand back, his heart thumping away as he stared at the ground. “Thanks, Butterfly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked hand-in-hand for a few seconds before Butters spoke again, “Before we do the nail-painting with Karen, I really wanna talk to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About what’s been going on with you.” Butters gently intwined their fingers, mumbling, “I can tell that something’s bothering you still, even if you’re smiling more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you really.” Kenny felt much too distracted by their hands to think of anything else to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really.” Butters moved closer, almost pleading as he asked, “So can we please talk when we get to your house?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny turned his head to look at him, suddenly wishing he’d kept his bandana back up. God it took all of his strength not to lean in and kiss him right then; why did Butters have to be so cute and thoughtful? Why did his warm hands have to make him feel so safe and comfortable? “Sure, we can talk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Kenny sighed at the sight of his dad passed out on the couch with empty beers all around him. He had hoped that his dad would have at least went to his bedroom since he</span>
  <em>
    <span> told</span>
  </em>
  <span> him Butters was coming over, but whatever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I tell Kevin to bring some food home?” Karen asked her brother, already pulling out her phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Subway sounds good for dinner.” Kenny began pushing her and Butters down the hall to their respective rooms, sighing again. Hopefully their mom came home late tonight, or else they’d have to endure another screaming match and he didn’t want to put Butters through that. “Until then, Butters and I are gonna be talking in my room, okay? But you can come in if dad starts waking up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know!” Karen smiled at him, hugging Kenny and Butters before going into her room. “Love you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you, too.” Kenny smiled softly at her until she closed her door, then he grabbed Butters’ arm and pulled him into his bedroom. “Sorry about that. He was doing better till now, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he was doing okay last week!” Butters commented, going over to sit on Kenny’s bed. “He makes a decent stew—maybe he should apply at a restaurant?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would involve not getting drunk every other night,” Kenny replied, joining him on his bed. His eyes felt thick and his arms felt insanely heavy; all he wanted to do was sleep right now. He fell back onto his back as he asked, “Why don’t we nap instead?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters pouted at him, taking his hand and squeezing it as if that would keep him awake. “No way, mister! You said we could talk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny groaned and closed his eyes. “Butterball, I’m fine. I don’t really know what you expect me to say.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.” Butters paused for a moment, his feet starting to kick against the bed. “Who did you meet on Tuesday?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s whole body tensed up, images of Richard and the “nice time” they had flashing through his mind. “Why do you ask?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it seems pretty suspicious that you were acting weird all that day,” Butters replied, starting to rub his thumb against the palm of Kenny’s hand. “So you can say you’re fine all you want, but I don’t really believe you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny groaned and turned his head away, frowning behind his bandana. “It was no one. I don’t want you to worry about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it’s something I </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> worry about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Kenny pulled his hand away and turned on his side, his back facing Butters now as he curled his legs up to his chest. “No, you don’t need to worry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More silence, minus the frantic beating in Kenny’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it a secret girlfriend or boyfriend or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck no.” Kenny shivered, pulling his legs even closer to him as his back started to itch. If Richard was his </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’d probably kill himself at least once a week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Butters processed his words for a moment before whispering, “Is it, like, a friends with benefits thing then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s body went ice cold, then completely numb. That term. That is what they were, wasn’t it? But he would hardly call Richard a </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore. More like a bastard with benefits. God, even that made him sick; he didn’t want Butters to know about him at all. “Why would you even want to know? There’s no way you’d approve of me doing that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno.” Butters shifted on the bed. Kenny could feel him scooting closer to his balled-up form, but Butters didn’t touch him yet. “I’m just trying to guess what’s wrong. And, well, if you did have a friend with benefits, that’d be fine as long as you both agreed on it, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Jesus.” Kenny tucked his head down, pressing his forehead against his knees. Part of him was glad to hear Butters having a more open mind about different relationships, but not at the expense of talking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Richard</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His back and legs started itching again, and he clenched his teeth so hard he thought they might fracture. “Yeah, you’re right. So don’t worry, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You realize that you telling me not to worry so much is actually more worrying, right?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I was just thinking about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you not like the person you’re meeting with?” Butters pressed. “Did you have a fight?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sighed again and craned his neck to stare into Butters’ concerned eyes. “You really aren’t going to stop unless I say something, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not this time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other for a long moment, testing which one would be more stubborn. Kenny found his eyes wandering over to the scar that ran across Butters’ left eye before he groaned and moved to lay on his back. He stared up at the ceiling as he mumbled, “Okay, you’re right. I don’t like the person I’m meeting with, and we are doing stuff. I wouldn’t call him a friend though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you even meeting with him?” Butters asked, reaching for Kenny’s hand again to squeeze it. “Can’t you just tell him you don’t want to do that stuff anymore?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s more complicated than that.” Kenny closed his eyes, brushing his thumb along the side of Butters’ hand. If he just focused on how warm Butters felt, he could talk more. “We have a history together, and a deal, kind of. Basically, if we’re not dating anyone, then we fool around together. It was nice in the beginning, since I’m a horny bastard, but...” He clenched his teeth together, his stomach churning. “I don’t know. Now I just kinda do it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait.” Butters’ urgent tone made Kenny look up at him, and the sight of tears welling up in those bright blue eyes made him feel as small as an ant. “Kenny, are you saying you…” Butters’ face scrunched up before he laid on top of Kenny’s chest, hugging him tightly. “You know that you don’t have to have sex with someone just because you’ve done it in the past, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s throat tightened. He swallowed and gave a short laugh, wrapping his arms loosely around Butters’ shoulders even as his back started itching again. “Duh, of course I know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you?” Butters’ fingers gripped Kenny’s shirt tightly, his arms starting to shake. “Because it sounds like you’re just doing it with this guy because that’s what he expects.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stayed silent, his grip tightening around Butters. He tried to say something to argue or defend himself, but his mouth just felt dry. When he realized he wasn’t breathing he forced himself to take an audible breath, and when he let it out he felt hot tears trailing down his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny?” Butters lifted his head, his own tears still in his eyes as he looked down at his friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny squeezed his eyes shut as his chest started heaving with quiet sobs. His arms pulled Butters back down, hugging him tight as he tried to breathe normally. He didn’t want to cry—he wasn’t that hurt. He was fine! He could wait this out, his body was just being stupid! Just overreacting, that’s it. He was fine, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny,” Butters whispered, squeezing his waist. “Just let yourself cry, okay? I’m right here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny hated the desperate sound that escaped his throat as he broke down, burying his face into Butters’ neck as the tears just kept coming. He hated how his chest jumped with each breath and each sob, how his arms and legs shook, how he felt so hot underneath his sweatshirt and bandana, how his tears burned his face; he hated all of it. How did Butters cry like this for an entire week? Kenny had only been crying that hard for a few minutes and he already felt like sleeping for a year. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve always seen sexuality as fluid, you know?” Kenny whispered when he finally had control of his voice again. He let Butters go before sucking in a deep breath and wiping the boiling tears off of his face. “With ebbs and flows, peaks and valleys. I guess I just didn’t realize that the same could be said for romantic attraction. I used to only have sexual thoughts about people, which is why I was fine with doing whatever. Especially with someone experienced, you know? But lately, I just feel sick when he touches me, and what I really want more than anything right now is just someone to cuddle with at night.” He looked up at Butters, his heart aching as he admitted, “But it’s hard. Because all that stuff I just said is how my brain thinks, but my body? My body is still as horny as ever, it reacts so quickly to him, and it just… I feel so separated.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Separated?” Butters repeated, reaching a hand over to cup Kenny’s cheek. His light eyebrows were creased together as he stared into Kenny’s eyes. “You mean, like your mind and your body are two separate things?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Kenny placed his hand over Butters, nuzzling against his palm as his eyes welled up again. “I guess if I had to explain it, it’s like I still have the physical desire, but I don’t feel this burning </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to satisfy it anymore. But that makes it even harder to say ‘no,’ because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> the desire, so, why not just make us both feel good for awhile?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you don’t feel good about it,” Butters pointed out. “Kenny, you haven’t said one positive thing about him this whole time. You don’t even call him a friend!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but…” Kenny’s words died in his dry mouth. He swallowed before mumbling, “My body still reacts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, please, that means nothing!” Butters insisted, taking his hand away from Kenny’s face so he could sit up fully and cross his arms. “We’re guys, we get morning wood just from dreams! That doesn’t mean we like it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” Kenny closed his eyes, wishing he was unconscious right now so they could stop talking about this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Butters wanted to find out more. “You said something earlier about a deal. That you guys only do stuff if you’re both single?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmhm. And he just broke up with his girlfriend, so now he’s all over me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just tell him you’re dating someone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” Kenny snapped his eyes open, feeling like an idiot for not just doing that in the first place. What, did he think Richard would somehow know he was lying? Maybe he really was just so used to saying yes.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if he asks who it is,” Butters continued, his shoulders hunching up a bit as he suggested quietly, “you can say you’re dating me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny felt heat travel through his whole body. And now he was already thinking about kissing Butters, </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span>. At least his body and mind were consistent with liking the sweetest boy in South Park. Someone who was supposed to only be a </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because that’s what Butters needed more than anything right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would make it easy, right?” Butters smiled softly at him. “I don’t mind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sat up to look at him, pulling down his bandana to frown properly at him. “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters’ smile immediately fell, his tone turning defensive. “Why not? What’s that supposed to mean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean,” Kenny replied, rubbing at the back of his neck. He took a second to figure out what to say, since all he really wanted to do was throw caution to the wind and kiss him, even if he knew that was a bad idea. “Aren’t you still heartbroken over Antoine?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not heartbroken!” Butters argued fervently, which only caused Kenny to give him the most disbelieving look he could muster. “I’m not!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters, you were crying over him all last week.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, but…!” Butters’ cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink as he looked away. Kenny couldn’t help but smile at the sight. “It’s complicated.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters groaned and brought his legs up to his chest so he could rest his chin on his knees, pouting softly. “I wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> crying about Antoine! I mean, yeah, I miss what we had, but I’m also just confused. I was fine with liking him because he was already interested in me, and I could just write it off as like a one-time thing. But now I’m single! And I have to admit to myself that I like guys, too, and that I’ve actually liked them for a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A long time, huh?” Kenny smiled a bit more, lightly punching Butters’ shoulder as he teased, “My little Butterball is growing up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters pouted at him, gently pushing his hand away. “Not helpful, Ken!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snickered and poked at Butters’ cheek. “Come on, let me have this—I’ve been waiting a long time for you to realize you’re bi.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What!?” Butters swatted at his hand, pouting more furiously at him. “And how did you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny shrugged. “I just did. My gay-dar is impeccable, Butters. How else would I know who to approach?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters continued to pout at Kenny for a long time. When his mouth finally relaxed, he glanced away as he mumbled, “Then why did you never ask me out?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s whole body tensed up, his grin frozen on his face. It felt like his heart had stopped completely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I just not attractive to you?” Butters continued, tears forming at the corners of his eyes again. “Am I the only one you can’t see yourself being with?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, woah, hold on!” Kenny shook his head, sitting up a bit and holding his hands out to Butters as if to defend himself. “Of course you’re attractive to me—you’re the cutest boy I’ve ever seen!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what is it?” Butters worried his bottom lip, unable to look at him. “I’ve been flirting with you all week and you just don’t respond.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh—you were?” Kenny was sure his face was beet red. “I thought you just didn’t realize what you were saying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what it is?” A tear rolled down Butters’ cheek as he turned to look at him. “Do you just see me as too innocent? Or naive? Is that why you don’t flirt with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Butters.” Kenny ran a hand through his hair, his mind scrambling to think of something to save this conversation. He had to remind himself that Butters was just hurt and confused; he didn’t actually want to date Kenny. They were too different, it would never work, and they’d ruin their friendship. He repeated that like a mantra to himself until he finally said, “If I’ve never flirted with you, it’s because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is it different when it’s me!” Butters almost yelled, his teeth clenched together. “This has been bothering me for a long time, okay? I see you walking around, giving out winks and kisses and naughty comments to everyone you pass, except me. I kept wondering why I wasn’t included; I thought, ‘maybe he doesn’t think I can take it,’ or ‘maybe I’m just not attractive to him,’ or ‘maybe we’re not as close as I thought.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we’re close!” Kenny interrupted, reaching out to grip Butters’ shoulder. He felt a pang in his heart when Butters pulled away from him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I’d hope we’re close, since you let me talk to you about anything.” Butters sniffled, wiping at his cheeks. “But then I noticed you rarely talk to me about what’s going on with you. Unless it’s about Karen, which I’m grateful for. And I started to feel bad. I figured I just talked too much for you to want to date.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I tell you something embarrassing?” Butters interrupted, his eyes closed now. “When Antoine said that he really wanted a poly relationship, I suggested inviting you into it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s eyes widened, sitting up a bit straighter as he stared at him. Did he hear Butters’ right? “What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told him that I had this great friend named Kenny who was pan and would be willing to try anything. But I also kinda mentioned that you and him were really similar. I told him, ‘You remind me of Kenny a lot!’ Which is one of the reasons I was okay with trying to date him, and…” Butters swallowed, glancing at him briefly before looking away again. “Well, you know the rest.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Kenny could do was stare at him in utter disbelief. There was no way Butters actually liked him, right? No, no, he was just confused. And even if his feelings were real, there was no way he was actually thinking clearly. Butters was already this upset at Kenny because he didn’t share enough of his life, it would only get worse if they tried to date. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny took a deep breath before glancing away. “Butters, I… I don’t think you actually like me.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do!” Butters yelled, punching his fists down into the bed. “I do like you, Ken! I used to think that same thing: ‘I don’t really like Kenny! He’s just a good friend!’ But I’ve wanted to kiss you since seventh grade, even when I thought of myself as straight, and I’ve thought about what we could be like together! I could help you open up, and you could help me gain confidence, and we’re already comfortable hugging each other and cuddling, and I know you like that stuff! You even just said that’s what you want right now—someone to cuddle with!” Butters cut himself off, his tears choking him slightly as he wiped at his face. “So d-don’t tell me what I feel isn’t real.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s chest felt like it was being pinned against the wall, his heart beating in his throat. Since seventh grade? Butters had felt like this since seventh grade, and now he was telling him about it so easily? God, how could Butters do that? How could he just say everything that was on his mind so straightforwardly, when he had no idea if Kenny felt the same way? How could he be that honest with no guarantee that anything would come from it? Kenny would rather die by a spike impalement than take a leap like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters.” He took a deep breath before forcing himself to be at least a little honest. Butters deserved that much. “I really, really like you, too. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to date you—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why can’t we?” Butters interrupted, taking Kenny’s hand in his. He sniffled, his eyebrows creased together as he stared into Kenny’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t think it would work long term,” Kenny whispered, hating the sight of Butters’ eyes welling up with more tears. He was probably breaking his heart right now. “You deserve someone who can stick it out with you and do what you just did, be honest about their feelings.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re being honest right now,” Butters pointed out, squeezing his hand tightly as his tears fell onto the bedspread. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it’s hard.” Kenny closed his eyes, his voice getting quieter and quieter with each second. “If this was just us talking about finding each other attractive, and wanting to make out and have some fun until one of us gets bored, I’d be all for that. But this is… you always lay your heart out for anyone to see, and I can’t do that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Kenny jumped when Butters’ fingers stroked along his cheek, and he was slightly surprised to see Butters’ face wasn’t scrunched up in desperation. His eyes looked just plain upset rather than heartbroken. “Kenny, I know things wouldn’t be easy at first, but as long as we’re both </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span> to talk to each other, isn’t that enough?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny glanced away, chewing at his lip. Butters was making a good point, wasn’t he? Kenny could have just said he didn’t want to date Butters at all, but instead he chose to tell the truth. He’d even ended up telling Butters a little about Richard, something he never thought he’d do. He really was trying to open up to him more already, even if Butters pushed him a little to start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides, I don’t always lay my heart out.” Butters’ gentle voice pulled Kenny out of his thoughts, and the sight of a small smile on that pudgy face made Kenny’s heart feel warm again. “When I was younger, yeah. But nowadays I keep my mouth shut if I’m worried about how others will react. Like how I didn’t tell anyone about Antoine, not even you.” He swallowed, staring down at Kenny’s hands as he squeezed them again. “I think it’s normal to be worried, Ken. And to be honest, I’m thinking you must like me an awful lot if you’re hesitating to go out with me just for my sake, because you usually jump at the chance for a date.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cold jolt of fear went through Kenny as he mumbled, “It really terrifies me that you can read me so easily.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you do like me a lot?” Butters smiled a bit more, leaning closer to Kenny. “Even if you’re scared?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny laughed a little, honestly starting to feel dizzy from just how quickly Butters was overturning all of the doubts he’d saved in his head. “I already said I like you, but I’m still worried. What if we break up? Do you honestly think you can be friends with me afterwards?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, sure!” Butters tilted his head at him, confused. “I’m friends with most of my exes! The ones that return my texts, anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What—even Antoine??” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I texted him a few days ago, actually.” Butters’ smiled turned sheepish. “I told him I was worried about you, and thinking about asking you out after I figured out what was wrong. And he told me to go for it if I thought the time was right—Suzette said the same thing!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re friends with her again, too?” Kenny genuinely felt like his world was spinning around him. Of course Butters was the type to stay friends with his exes, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was. Fuck, why else shouldn’t he date Butters? There were more reasons, right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does the idea of dating me really scare you that much?” Butters asked, that small smile still on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah.” Kenny nodded, staring at the bed between them. “I’m sorry, it just does.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, am I…” Butters chewed at his bottom lip, and Kenny got the distinct impression that he was trying not to show too much excitement. “Maybe this is conceited of me to think, but maybe this is the first time you’ve ever really liked a person just because of who they are? And that’s why it’s so scary?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if you really like me that much, then wouldn’t you be willing to open up more?” Butters continued, squeezing Kenny’s hands so tight he thought he might lose circulation soon. “And you know I’m a patient guy. I waited most of the week for you to talk to me tonight, after all, and I’m sure you feel a bit better getting some of that off your chest.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait.” Kenny’s spinning brain finally thought of another reason why they shouldn’t date. “Look, maybe you’re right, and I’m glad I told you about Ri—</span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But I think you’re forgetting that I’m a horny mess, and you’ve never even made out with anyone.” He took a deep breath, shaking his head lightly. “I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do just because </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> want it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters frowned a little, loosening his grip on Kenny’s hands as he thought that over. “I’ve kinda thought about that, too,” he admitted quietly. “But, Ken, I know you, and you’re sweeter than you give yourself credit for. You wouldn’t push me to do anything if I seemed uncomfortable. You gave an entire speech on the importance of consent in Health class!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because I don’t outrightly push you for anything doesn’t mean you won’t feel guilty,” Kenny told him, gently pulling his hands away. “And I know </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’ll push yourself to do what you think I want, even if you’re uncomfortable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters ground his teeth, his hands clasped together as he idly pulled at his fingers. “Okay, well, that’s something I can work on.” He stared into Kenny’s eyes, nothing but determination shining in his light blue irises. “You can work on talking about your emotions more, and I can work on putting myself first sometimes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny groaned and ran his hands down his face. “You can’t just say that like it’s easy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s not easy.” Butters pushed his hands down into the bed, starting to rock a little as he smiled up at Kenny. “But I want to try. I want to date you, Kenny, and now that I know you like me, too, I’m not gonna give up anytime soon!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took all of Kenny’s strength to not push Butters down into the bed and kiss him right then. “Fuck.” He groaned and moved to lay on his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you might as well just give in already, mister.” Butters giggled a little, laying down and gripping Kenny’s arm to cuddle against. “Because now I’m going to wait for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny groaned again and brought his free hand up to pull at his hair, as if that would stimulate some coherent thoughts other than </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiss him kiss him kiss him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Fuck, this was too much. Butters had pretty much dismantled each of his arguments for them to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> date, and now all there was just leftover fear because he had convinced himself for a long-ass time to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> make a move on Butters, and now Butters was making a move on </span>
  <em>
    <span>him?</span>
  </em>
  <span> In what world did that make sense?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember what you told me last week, Ken?” Butters muttered quietly. “You told me that I should think about what I want, and what I think would be good for me.” He hugged Kenny’s arm closer to his chest before whispering, “And I think that’s you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t think I’m good for you,” Kenny whispered back, glad he was still hiding against the pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters was silent for a moment. “Can you look at me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I look at you I’m going to kiss you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny could only hear his heart beating in his ears for a few moments. Eventually Butters sighed and let go of Kenny, moving a few inches away to give him some space. “You’re really confusing me, Ken. We’re great friends, and we care about each other a lot. If we both want to try dating then why can’t we?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny lifted his head enough to take a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he turned on his side to look at him. He was glad Butters was laying on his stomach with only his head facing Kenny, that would make it easier to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> kiss him. “I know it’s confusing. I’m confusing myself honestly. I just…” he chewed at his lip, pulling at the comforter between them. “I’m worried. This is so different than what I’m used to. And I like it, but it’s not familiar.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is different for me, too.” Butters reached for Kenny’s hand, squeezing it gently. “But that doesn’t mean it’s bad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stared at their hands, rubbing his thumb along the back of Butters’ hand and marveling once again at how nice it felt. “I think,” Kenny was surprised to hear his voice coming out of his mouth, “a part of me believes I don’t deserve something this nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you do.” Butters smiled softly, burying half of his face into the pillow as he kicked his legs lightly in the air. “So that means you think we’d be good together?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you really don’t mind dealing with me.” Kenny squeezed Butters’ hand again, smiling and watching his feet. How was he so adorable? “And if we can really be friends again after we break up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters pouted and pulled his hand away to poke Kenny’s forehead instead. “Don’t say that like it’s going to happen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buttercup, we’re eighth graders. Most couples that start that young don’t last into adulthood.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But some do!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, couples like Tweek and Craig.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters groaned again, but stopped halfway as he realized something. “So you’re saying we’re a couple now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... That’s not exactly what I—“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters used his elbows to prop himself up, beaming at Kenny. “But we can try this??” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Kenny’s words died in his throat as he stared at Butters’ bright face. He was so determined to at least try; nothing Kenny had brought up even dampened his excitement, it seemed. So why was Kenny still hesitating? How could his brain simultaneously want nothing more than to kiss Butters till his lips bruised, and yet was also convinced that he wasn’t good for Butters? Which part was he supposed to listen to? He’d already tried listening to the latter by telling Butters why they wouldn’t work together, so… should he try the other way? The thing he really, really wanted? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny grit his teeth, pushing himself up so he was sitting sideways, his legs curled around him as he looked at Butters. “If you really want to try dating me, I’ll consider myself one lucky bastard.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters’ smile was so bright that Kenny couldn’t help but smile. “You mean it?” Butters quickly pushed himself to his knees, leaning towards Kenny and staring right into his eyes. “Really?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny nodded, his stomach rolling around inside him as he took in Butters’ enthusiasm. “Yeah. I know I’d be happy with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters giggled, wrapping his arms around Kenny’s neck in a hug. “Then, I have one more thing to say to you, mister.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny almost screamed when Butters rolled onto his back, pulling him along with him. Kenny felt his face flushing with heat when he realized how close he was to Butters, having to support himself on the bed with his forearms with Butters’ arms still wrapped tightly around his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters pulled Kenny just a little bit closer, his cheeks a light pink as he whispered, “I want you to be my first.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny swore that lightning coursed right through him, sending goosebumps across his whole body. His brain started conjuring all sorts of scenarios that he had previously tried so hard to shove down. Things like how beautiful Butters’ face would look, how that sweet voice would be calling his name, how their hands would be everywhere—fuck, fuck, fuck! He was not ready for this so fast! How was Butters ready!? But God did he want it, even if a million sirens were blasting at full volume inside his brain, and he couldn’t even feel his limbs because he was so focused on the way his head was spinning and how his back was itching and how his chest felt tight and how his crotch was—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For making out, Ken,” Butters added, his now-red cheeks a nice highlight to his sheepish smile. “I just realize how that sounded—sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, Butters,” Kenny wheezed, slowly collapsing on top of Butters so he could hide his face against the crook of his neck. He tried getting his breathing under control as he mumbled, “Don’t do that to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters started laughing, playing with Kenny’s hair to help calm him down. “I’m sorry! It was clear in my head, but then I saw the look on your face and realized you, um, had a different idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you blame me!?” Kenny dug his fingers into the blanket, trying not to whine. “You looked me in the eyes and said—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know!” Butters interrupted, clearly embarrassed now. “I know what it sounded like but, Jesus, Ken—your sister’s in the next room!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can be quiet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ken!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny grinned, lifting his head just to tease, “What, are you saying you can’t be quiet?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched in delight as Butters’ face turned bright red, his eyes bopping from side to side as he sputtered, “What—that’s—how am I supposed to know that!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snickered and propped himself up on his elbows, still laying over Butters as he cooed, “You’re right, that’s something we’d discover together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters’ eyes went as wide as golf balls before he covered his face with his hands, but his flattered smile could still be seen. “Oh, wow, maybe I really couldn’t have handled you flirting with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny laughed again, leaning in to kiss at Butters’ hairline since most of his face was covered. “Oh, Buttercup, I haven’t even begun to flirt.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters made a gurgling sound in surprise, sliding one hand up to cover where he was kissed while the other tried to spread across his whole face. His light blue eyes peeked between his fingers as he mumbled, “Do you tease all your partners like this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, only the adorable ones~” Kenny winked, trying hard not to laugh when Butters whined and closed his eyes again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just kiss me already!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny smiled just a bit wider, butterflies starting to flutter in his stomach as he stared at Butters. With each second, any fear he felt about dating someone so sweet was melting away into comfort. “I will in a bit. You’re still hiding.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm…” Butters pouted, waiting a few seconds before opening his eyes again, slowly moving his hands back onto Kenny’s shoulders. “Well? Now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t know,” Kenny continued to tease, grinning wide. He forgot how much fun it was to mess with a significant other. “We haven’t even gone on a date yet, and you did </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> get over a breakup—” He was cut off by Butters grabbing him by the back of his shirt and pulling him into a kiss, which he was very quick to melt into. He slipped his arms underneath Butters’ so he could cup the back of his head and play with his hair, humming softly against those plush lips. Butters kept his shirt held tight in those adorable hands of his, pulling it up slightly as the kiss continued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they broke away, the sound of Butters panting lightly was very, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> satisfying. Kenny pressed their foreheads together, grinning as he teased, “You know, it makes sense you’d be a power bottom.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to try not to laugh when Butters was obviously confused. “Power bottom? What’s that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it’s not something I should google?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Just like you could google what a blue waffle is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... That’s… Is it not just a waffle that’s blue??” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, we could go with that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny couldn’t help but laugh this time when Butters pouted at him, his eyes narrowed in unamusement. “One of these days, Kenneth McCormick, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> understand all of these things you talk about, and then you’ll be the one hiding their face and acting all shy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, kinky~” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh!” Butters rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again at least. “You’re incorrigible.” His eyes lit up, his smile widening mischievously as he moved his hands to Kenny’s sides. “You know, I just remembered something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Kenny felt like fire was slowly coating his skin, starting right where Butters’ hands were. “What did you—” He burst into laughter when Butters started mercilessly tickling him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really ticklish!” Butters laughed with him, rolling them over so he could straddle Kenny onto the bed, keeping him there while his devious fingers pressed all up and down his sides. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters!” Kenny tried grabbing at his hands to make it seem like he was fighting back, but honestly he rather enjoyed tickle torture. Especially with Butters pinning him like this, it just made every shiver and tingle he felt that much more intense, made each laugh that much louder and breathless~ He almost whined when Butters stopped, but he was too busy panting to get his breath back to do so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Kenny could open his eyes, Butters leaned down to kiss him again, his hands gripping tightly at Kenny’s shoulders. “Mm~” Kenny was quick to hum against Butters’ lips, wrapping his arms loosely around Butters’ upper back. He sucked lightly at Butters’ bottom lip, shivering in delight at the low sound that came from the back of Butters’ throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was all the encouragement Butters needed to lay himself right on top of Kenny, one arm trapped between their chests while the other stroked underneath Kenny’s arm, grazing against his shoulder blade. Kenny’s breath hitched as he dug his fingers into Butters’ back, and he smiled when Butters shivered against him. God, how he’d missed this. The light touches, the slow exploration, discovering all the little ways your partner liked to be touched. Butters was already so good at reading him, maybe that would translate to making out, too~ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both boys nearly jumped out of their skin when they heard two hard knocks. “Kenny!” Karen’s cheery voice came through, muffled from behind the door. “Are you two done yet? I want to paint nails! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a second, Karen!” Kenny called back, wincing at how his voice cracked. It was to be expected, what with his heart beating in his throat like it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters scrambled off of him, his face bright red and a nervous smile taking up most of his face. He sat at the foot of the bed, playing with his fingers and staring down. “Sorry, got carried away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny smiled easily and hopped off the bed, straightening out his shirt as he walked over to kiss his cheek. “What are you sorry for? I enjoyed every second~” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters flushed more and covered his cheek, smiling warmly at him. “You know, I could have guessed that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny chuckled, heading to the door as he teased quietly, “Guess those sexy roleplays with Antoine taught you a few things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh h-hush, mister!”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YAY THEY'RE TOGETHER~&lt;3 They deserve to be happy, don't you think? </p><p>Get ready for the next chapter where we deal with more Richard drama!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Fuck, No, Why?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Everything seems to crash down around Kenny when Richard visits him in person. Thankfully Butters is willing to help.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, so this story is tied to the "first" one in the series: "Truth or Dare: Coming Out Edition." So, in this chapter, when I mention a game of Truth or Dare, that is when that first story takes place. Then the rest of this story happens after the truth or dare fic! <br/>I'm sorry if anyone was confused on the timeline!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dating Butters went better than Kenny could have ever guessed. They were keeping it a secret from almost everybody, as neither boy really wanted to find out what would happen if Mr. Stotch heard the news. Butters also didn’t want too much of the school’s attention drawn to them; not at the beginning of their relationship. But Karen and Kevin both knew, and they were very supportive. Apparently Kevin had always thought Butters was a good match for Kenny, since he saw how much they cared about each other, and of course Karen was ecstatic about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard was also told. Kenny didn’t want to give out Butters’ name at first, but when Richard didn’t believe him and still sent him dick pics and meet-up requests, he’d dropped the name. That seemed to work better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s favorite thing about dating Butters was this mischievous side that seemed to be coming out more and more. It wasn’t uncommon for Butters to sneak over to his place at least twice a week, late at night, and snuggle into bed with him, for no other reason than to sleep next to each other. Butters got away with it because of a bit of planning on his end that made Kenny feel immensely special. At the beginning of their relationship, Butters took up jogging in the early morning before school, so his parents didn’t question when he wasn’t in bed most mornings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters had also hinted a few times that he’d love to receive little love notes now and then, so Kenny started writing sweet nothings on post-it-notes and either shoved them in Butters’ locker or stuck them inside his notebooks. It was always worth it to see that pudgy smile and cute blush on Butters’ face. And of course he made origami for him and sang to him at night. You know, usual couple stuff. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Three months passed by in a blur, and since it was the holiday season, Butters and Kenny made sure to meet up with each other for at least a few hours to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. After meeting with their families and spending time with their other friends, of course. Kenny still wished he could have slow-danced with Butters at the 8th grade winter dance, but he knew that would have drawn too much attention to themselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although, apparently three months was enough time for Butters to feel comfortable telling all of their shared friends about their relationship. A Christmas sleepover with eight other boys and an exciting game of Truth or Dare was the best time to tell people, anyway. Plus, Stan and Kyle had gotten together (</span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span>), so that was even better! And, because Butters didn’t want to leave anyone out, after the sleepover they called Cartman at the military academy and told him together. He was surprisingly more supportive than Kenny expected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Life was amazing, as far as Kenny was concerned, even if he wished Christmas break would have gone on a bit longer. It was always a pain having to walk to school at the beginning of January, but walking with Karen and Butters made it a little more bearable. Kevin couldn’t always come with since he’d sometimes pick up morning shifts, but Kyle would join them sometimes instead of taking the bus. Sadly Ike was still too young to walk with them, otherwise Karen probably would have loved to befriend him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you take the bus anymore, Kenny?” Kyle asked as they walked. Thankfully the wind wasn’t too bad, otherwise they’d all be bracing themselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too many bad memories.” Kenny winced, remembering the many, </span>
  <em>
    <span>many</span>
  </em>
  <span> unfortunate deaths he’s had on that awful bus. He was all too glad to walk to school once he started sixth grade. “Besides, it’s good exercise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I like walking with Kenny!” Karen piped up, skipping occasionally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” Kyle’s gaze wandered downwards, to where Kenny and Butters were holding hands as they walked together. “Aren’t you two worried about people seeing that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah.” Butters smiled over at Kyle. “I have a reputation of being friendly with everybody, so people think it’s normal!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess? But still—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just jealous,” Kenny started to tease, “Since Stan lives too far away for you to walk hand-in-hand to school together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kyle’s cheeks darkened a little before he looked away. “Yeah, well… we probably wouldn’t do that anyway!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably?” Butters joined in on the teasing. “Aw, that means you want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you two even kissed yet?” Kenny had to ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not answering that!” Kyle snapped, feeling mortified when Karen giggled at him while skipping ahead. “We’ve only been, like, a thing for a week and a half!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny and I kissed the day we got together,” Butters gloated, grinning a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, good for you.” Kyle rolled his eyes, mumbling, “Like Kenny hasn’t kissed everyone in the school.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude.” Kenny elbowed Kyle, hissing, “Not in front of Karen!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Kyle rubbed at his stomach, glancing away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think she heard, Ken,” Butters assured, leaning in to kiss Kenny’s cheek quick. “It’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny glared at Kyle for a bit longer before sighing and staring down at his boots. It had only been recently where he started worrying about Karen learning his reputation around the school. She’d already caught him dead drunk once, and despite that she still looked up to him so much. What would she think of him after learning everything he’d done? He wished he would have thought about that all the way back in fourth grade. But it would make sense that foresight was not a strong point of his yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ken,” Butters’ cheery voice pulled Kenny out of his thoughts. “What do you say to me sneaking over tonight?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny smiled, lifting his free hand to poke Butters’ adorable button nose. “I’d say I can’t wait until nightfall.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters giggled and poked at Kenny’s nose in return. “Then I’ll be there~” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are worse than Tweek and Craig,” Kyle groaned. “And they kiss each other in the halls.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just make out with your own boyfriend already,” Kenny stuck his tongue out at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you won’t be so grouchy then,” Butters added, chuckling when Kyle flipped them the bird. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny couldn’t believe how exhausted he felt after his first day back at school. He had assignments to do already, but nothing due tomorrow, so he’d probably just take a nap once he got home. He wanted to stay up with his little Buttercream Egg for awhile, after all~ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters isn’t walking with us today?” Karen asked when only Kenny came to pick her up by her classroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sadly, no.” Kenny held Karen’s hand as they started walking. “Butters is heading to the coffee shop to try and convince Tweek to join the cooking club.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oooh.” Karen nodded in understanding. “Because of their Valentine’s bake sale?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmhm. Tweek makes the sweetest cupcakes in town and they want him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope I can try them!” Her mouth was already starting to water. “A cupcake sounds so good right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny chuckled and ruffled her hair. “I’ll try and get one for you this weekend, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” She hugged Kenny tight, smiling up at him. “You’re the best, Kenny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I try.” He kissed her forehead before they kept walking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a decent amount of time to get home, but Kenny didn’t mind. It gave him a chance to chat with Karen and make sure she was doing okay. He was glad she wasn’t getting into as much trouble as he got into at her age, and if it was up to him he’d keep it that way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except now that he’d thought that, he felt something crawling down the back of his neck. When they were still a block away from home, in the bad side of town where nobody stayed for too long, a familiar red jeep slowly creeped up next to them on the side of the road. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Barbie Doll.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stopped walking, his hand tightening around Karen’s. He was glad to be standing between her and the street as he turned to look, panic coursing through him when he saw that greased-up black hair and wispy goatee. Richard hadn’t changed a bit, his hairy arms resting casually on the steering wheel as he leered at Kenny through the passenger side window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long time no see,” Richard continued, the corner of his mouth turning up into a grin. “You stopped replying to my messages altogether, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny?” He felt cold fear sweep through him when Karen spoke up, stepping forward a bit to get a better look at the man in the car. “Who’s this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karen.” Kenny’s voice was hoarse as he turned to her. He pulled his bandana down, forcing a smile on his face. He had to act like everything was fine, even if his heart was pounding and he was already starting to itch all over. “Why don’t you go ahead, okay? I’ve gotta talk to this guy for a few minutes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” She frowned, trying to peer around him again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure!” Kenny laughed and gently pushed her towards their home. “We’re not that far, just hurry home!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen creased her brows at him, obviously sensing something was wrong. Thankfully she nodded slowly after a few moments, putting a smile on her face as she headed off. “Okay. See you soon!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waved her off, keeping a smile on his face until she was too far to see him. He turned to Richard with a growing sense of nausea, feeling his knees starting to shake slightly. “What are you doing here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting tired of waiting for you to break up already.” Richard cut right to the point, unlocking the car. “Get in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny felt sweat dripping down his back as he grit his teeth. “I’m still dating Butters.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on!” Richard rolled his eyes. “Your relationships never last this long. And there’s no way he can satisfy you the way I can.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took all of Kenny’s self-restraint not to laugh in his face. Instead he shook his head and tried to just keep walking. “Well, I’m still with him, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh please.” Richard let his car roll right alongside him, and Kenny felt like a flare gun went off inside his chest. “Come on, don’t you miss me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny wished he could turn off his ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll kiss up your whole body, and pull your hair just the way you like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny closed his eyes, honest-to-God wishing to be shot right now so he could escape this conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can tell you’re dying for a bit of fun. I can buy you dinner afterwards—you can bring some home to your family.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just keep walking</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, just once, for old times sake? Butters doesn’t even have to know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Kenny yelled, stopping in his tracks. His fists were clenched and his legs were shaking, but he managed to turn and glare at him as he hissed, “I may be a whore, but I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> a cheater. So go find someone else to suck your dick and leave me alone!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard narrowed his eyes at him, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel. A low chuckle came from him then as he grinned. “You’re right, you are a whore. And I have our little scrapbook to prove it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s stomach was practically begging to throw up its contents. Their </span>
  <em>
    <span>scrapbook</span>
  </em>
  <span>, something Richard had asked to start in sixth grade. It was an old English textbook that had photos glued to the pages, and each picture featured Kenny in all sorts of “sexy” outfits, or just flat out nude. Some of them even featured the two of them in the “throes of passion,” as Richard liked to say. Of course he still had it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be a shame if some of those pictures were let loose through the school.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what?” Kenny felt his rage boiling up inside him. He was threatening him with that? Weak. “Do it. See if I care. Everyone knows my reputation, it will come as a surprise to nobody.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard snarled, obviously disappointed that hadn’t worked. “Would you just get in the car you fucking tease!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want me in that car you’ll have to force me,” Kenny told him, losing all feeling in his legs. “And I’ll be kicking and screaming the whole way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other evenly for a few moments, and Kenny honestly expected Richard to threaten him with violence, or rape, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But it was more unnerving to watch Richard take in a deep breath and let it out in a slow sigh, one of his fingers tapping against his chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you want me to find someone else, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee, I’ll think about it.” He put his hand back on the steering wheel, staring towards Kenny’s house. “Hey, is Karen seeing anyone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s vision blurred, the world spinning around him. An icicle stabbed him right through the heart as he opened his quivering jaw. “You… no.” He felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. “She is </span>
  <em>
    <span>ten</span>
  </em>
  <span> you bastard!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richard scoffed, turning to him with that smug grin of his. “So? You wanted it at ten, why wouldn’t she?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny was surprised that he hadn’t fallen to his knees, he felt so weak. It was like narrow walls were closing in around him; he couldn’t breathe, his ears were ringing, all he could see was that stupid red truck and its fucked up passenger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I don’t hear from you by the end of the week,” Richard continued, leaning back in his seat. “I think I will just go after a nice girl like you said I should.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Kenny could choke out was a weak, “Asshole.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the spirit.” Richard grinned and winked at him. “It’s for the best, trust me. You’ll feel good again once we get back into our groove.” He gave a mock salute before driving off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny finally sunk to his knees, tears pouring out of him like a leaking faucet. His chest was so tight that he couldn’t breathe, instead having to gasp for air every ten seconds. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. Fuck. No. Why? Why was this happening?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snapped out of his daze when he heard a tapping at his window. Butters was early; it was only 10:30pm. His feet felt weighted with lead as he went to open his window, the sight of Butters’ smiling face only making him feel like crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Butters chirped, quietly slipping into Kenny’s room like he’d done many times before. “Did ya miss me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Kenny hummed noncommittaly, closing the window before muttering, “Butters, we need to talk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Butters frowned at him, and it was unfair how cute he looked in his little athletic shorts and bright orange T-shirt. He wore that color because it reminded him of Kenny, he’d told him once. “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny had been practicing what to say ever since he’d gotten home that day, but right now his mind was blank. All he could think about was how heavy and dry his eyes felt. “We should break up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know what he expected Butters to do. Scream, maybe; cry, definitely. But Butters just stared at him, no discernible emotion crossing that usually expressive face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny jolted a little, managing to feel confusion along with his headache and overwhelming dread. “What do you mean, no?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not breaking up.” Butters crossed his arms, his face staying blank which Kenny absolutely hated. “Because there’s no way you went from laughing with me at lunch to </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a few hours. So, what’s actually wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No…” Kenny’s mouth felt dry, and he could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Fuck, no, he couldn’t start crying now, then Butters would never leave him alone. Hadn’t he cried enough today? Where did these tears keep coming from?? “I was just keeping up appearances, but I really just don’t like you anymore. I can’t keep pretending.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters actually rolled his eyes, scoffing. “You are so full of shit right now, Kenneth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny grit his teeth, trying to put more emotion behind these next words, “Look, I’m just… I need someone who will have sex with me—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t even try that!” Butters yelled before remembering to be quiet. He stepped closer, hissing quietly, “You wanna know how I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’s a load of crap? Because you’ve literally told me that you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>glad</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be taking a break from sex! And you know what else? Whenever we make out, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> are the one that keeps us from going too far. Did you notice that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He felt his head start to spin, his vision blurring as Butters’ angry expression relaxed into one of concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny…” Butters reached both hands up, cupping Kenny’s face and wiping at the tears that were slowly moving down his cheeks. “Just talk to me. What’s this about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s.” Kenny choked up, clutching Butters in a tight hug as he completely broke down, burying his sobbing face against Butters’ neck. He couldn’t feel anything. His brain was buzzing, and he felt like someone else was moving his body as he and Butters walked over to lay down on his bed. “We need to break up,” he blubbered between his tears, his voice way too high and breathy to be sensible. “We need to break up, we need to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Butters whispered, rubbing at his back. The motion was helping to ground him a little, but his brain was still filled with static. “Why do we need to break up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I can’t hurt you. I can’t!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would you hurt me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to cheat!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That threw Butters for a loop. He stayed silent for a moment, his grip tightening around Kenny. “You… don’t want to, as in you haven’t?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, and I don’t want to!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters sucked in a breath, no doubt to maintain his patient attitude. “Okay, that’s good. So… what? Are you just feeling guilty for finding other people attractive? I thought we already—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not it!” Kenny sniffled, pulling away slightly to wipe at his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control. He knew he needed to explain, if only because he didn’t want Butters to feel any more hurt than he had to feel. Kenny forced himself to take a few deep breaths, his voice still high and getting interrupted with a sudden breath between each word, as if he wanted to keep crying. “Remember—that—guy? The… benefits one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters’ brows were creased together, confusion on his face for a full five seconds before he remembered. “Oh! The one you were talking about the day we got together?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny nodded, closing his eyes tight as more tears fell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about him?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He approached—me—today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, just breathe for a moment,” Butters told him, stroking his cheek again. “Talk when you’re not still crying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny whimpered, trying to breathe slowly again and making an effort to pull air deeper into his lungs. It had to have been at least a few minutes before he could speak somewhat normally again. “His name is Richard,” he started, gripping the front of Butters’ shirt tightly between his fingers. He didn’t dare look him in the eyes as he whispered, “He’s in eleventh grade.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters tensed up immediately, his hand covering Kenny’s on his shirt. “Eleventh?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Kenny tried to bury his face into his blanket, his back and waist starting to itch as he thought about him. “I know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, Kenny!” Butters tightened his grip on Kenny’s hand. “No wonder you were so…! why didn’t you say anything earlier?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought he’d leave me alone,” Kenny whispered, feeling familiar hot tears forming in his eyes. “I’m such an idiot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Ken, that’s not…” Butters sighed, reaching up to stroke Kenny’s hair back. “You’re not an idiot. What did he do? You said he approached you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny felt his stomach crawling around inside him. His voice sounded flat and lifeless to his ears when he spoke. “He wants me to call him by the end of the week, or else he’ll go after Karen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like the air became ten degrees colder. Kenny still couldn’t muster up the courage to look at Butters, nothing but shame and fear coursing through his veins. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That explains your behavior tonight,” Butters whispered after what felt like a year. “But, Ken, can’t we just, you know, go to the police?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it’ll be my word against his?” Kenny muttered, shaking his head lightly. “If I tell the cops and he ends up not going to jail, things would be even worse. I’d rather just give him what he wants than—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, I am not breaking up with you just so you can get raped.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny tensed, his entire body rejecting that word with a raging wave of nausea. He closed his eyes tight, still shaking his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what he wants to do, Ken. That’s what he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> to you. You know that, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I went along with it—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out of fear.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not in the beginning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, sure, let’s say that in the beginning it was consensual and fun. That doesn’t excuse what it turned into.” Kenny jolted when Butters stroked his cheek, coaxing him to look up into those baby blue eyes that held nothing but concern for him. “And you know what else? He’s a pedophile, Kenny. He’s, what, seventeen? And he wants a thirteen-year-old, and now he’s threatening to go after a ten-year-old?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew that already,” Kenny mumbled, feeling the need to defend himself somewhat. “And he’s eighteen. Late birthday.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s even worse!” Butters stopped himself, lowering his voice for his next words. “He’s a legal adult then, so let’s think of a way we can put this pedophile behind bars where he belongs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny gave a short laugh of disbelief, closing his eyes again. Butters’ touch was starting to feel like a hot iron against his skin. “How?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Butters hesitated, sliding his hand up to stroke Kenny’s hair back again. “Kenny, I’m asking this in the most caring way possible. Did he ever take naked pictures of you? Or did you give him any?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny curled up, his nausea returning tenfold as he thought about that fucking scrapbook they made together. Shame was welling up inside him like a bathtub as he nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think he still has those pictures?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know he does.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then that’s how we can get him.” Kenny looked up then, really feeling like a child as Butters gave him a small, consoling smile. “Possession of child pornography. If they catch him red-handed, they’ll have to lock him up, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time that evening, Kenny felt the knot in his stomach loosen slightly. His eyes widened a bit the longer he stared at Butters, the buzzing in his brain finally going silent. “That’s… true.” He sat up, dizziness taking over as he tried to think about how to get him caught with the evidence. And of course he was berating himself for, once again, not coming up with the obvious solution to his problem. Emotions really did mess with your ability to think clearly, didn’t they? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny?” Butters sat up with him, gently taking his hand in his. “What are you thinking?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m thinking that if he still keeps that fucking scrapbook in his car, then we should have the police search it while he’s in school.” He squeezed Butters’ hand tightly, looking at him with a light flicker of hope in his chest. “I can check tomorrow. Won’t be the first time I’ve broken into a car.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come with you,” Butters promised. “I can be your lookout. And if you find it, we’ll call the police right then and there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if I don’t?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll figure something out.” Butters scooted closer, pulling Kenny into another hug. “I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you </span>
  <em>
    <span>or</span>
  </em>
  <span> Karen, Ken.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny hugged him back tightly, closing his eyes as he took a breath. He wanted to believe Butters. He really, really did. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kenny is one of my favorite characters, I promise! XD<br/>Also, my favorite scene in this entire fic is Butters going "No" when Kenny says he wants to break up. I don't know about ya'll, but that makes me crack up every time XD You go, Butters!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kenny and Butters take care of Richard, but who's going to take care of Ken?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kenny’s first priority when he woke up that morning was making sure Karen got to school safely while also not acting weird around her, and not tipping off to Kevin that anything was happening. Karen could already tell that something was wrong because Kenny had bloodshot eyes last night after his roadside chat with Richard, but then their mom had come home early and had started cussing out their dad again. So, they ended up cuddling together while watching YouTube videos on his phone until bedtime. He was really worried she’d start questioning him in front of Kevin, so he was grateful Butters was there to help distract Karen in the morning. Though he was definitely trying way too hard by offering to buy everyone breakfast at McDonalds on the walk to school. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do that, Butters,” Kevin told him as they all stood in the kitchen. “I bought some milk and cereal last night, so we can just eat here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But McDonalds!” Karen pouted softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Kare-Bear.” Kevin ruffled her hair, sighing softly. “But that stuff isn’t the best. I bought apples, too—you like those.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen brightened at the mention of apples and rushed over to the fridge to grab them and the milk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Kevin!” Butters apologized while Kenny started setting the table. “I guess I just wanted to feel like I was helping.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do more than enough for us.” Kevin sat at the table, smiling softly at Kenny. “Anybody that makes my little bro so happy is a big help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny felt his cheeks flush behind his bandana. “Shut up, Kev.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters giggled a little bit and sat next to Kevin. “What, like I didn’t already know you’re happy with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna tune you guys out now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breakfast passed by relatively quickly after that, and soon they were all walking to school. Karen and Butters played their little time-travelling pretend game, and Kenny felt impressed with just how well Butters was able to act like everything was fine. Maybe in his mind it was; maybe Butters firmly believed that everything would work out, and that Richard would be sent to jail, so he wasn’t worrying about it? Kenny wished he could feel that sense of security, but all that he felt was nervous and scared. Especially when he looked at Karen’s laughing face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t stop thinking about what Richard had said. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You wanted it at ten, why wouldn’t she?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Bastard, such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking</span>
  </em>
  <span> bastard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem on edge today, Ken,” Kevin spoke up. They were a few steps behind, and Kenny briefly wondered if Kevin had purposefully planned that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Kenny forced a smile on his face. “Just worried about school stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Do you need my help? Is it math, english?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… social studies.” Not a total lie; that was Kenny’s worst subject. Mainly because he was terrible with dates. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help you out,” Kevin offered, grabbing Kenny’s shoulder. “I know I’m busy with work and stuff, but you’re still my brother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Such a family man,” Kenny had to tease before staring down at his shoes. “You don’t have to worry about me, Kev. I’ll be fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the day felt like a blur. Kenny and Butters snuck out during homeroom and went right to the high school parking lot. Breaking into that fucking red truck was a lot easier than holding that book in his hands again. And to top it off, because apparently he liked torturing himself, he opened it up, his stomach churning. The sight of his sixth grade self actually smiling around that asshole made him feel like a stranger in his own body. Who was this child? Would he be smiling like that if he knew where he’d be in two years? Each page was like a new jolt of shame, and he couldn’t help but think that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> have actually minded if Richard had leaked some of these pictures. If only because he didn’t want to risk his family or Butters seeing him like this. Especially not the ones that involved his face and Richard’s crotch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny slammed the book shut and stumbled out of the jeep. He probably would have fallen onto the ground if Butters hadn’t caught him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, I’d like to report…” Kenny was vaguely aware that Butters was calling the police as they stood in the parking lot, but it sounded like a far-away television set that was covered with static, and the world around him looked like the reflection off of a murky pond.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ken.” Butters’ voice barely reached him, and he jumped when Butters’ touched his cheek. “Let’s get out of here, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny must have nodded, since Butters began pulling him away from the high school and back towards the middle school. Right as they stepped up to the cafeteria entrance, loud sirens could be heard not too far away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lunch was hell. Kenny forgot how quickly news travelled through their small mountain town, so he was unpleasantly surprised to hear everyone talking about a high school student getting arrested. No one knew what the crime was yet, so of course speculations were running wild. Most students were convinced it was a drug bust, because what else could it be? Others said death threats, or possession of a weapon. No one guessed the actual crime, not that Kenny heard. Although Butters had taken him to the library soon after lunch started, so maybe he just didn’t stick around long enough to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the end of the school day, the official police report came out. Kenny was almost impressed, since he didn’t remember the police force being that efficient when he was younger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you believe it?” he heard students gossiping in the hall as he opened his locker. “A pedophile!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They said over 100 pictures were found of some boy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think we know the victim?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s grip tightened on his locker when he hard that last one. He almost turned to snap at them that they did, in fact, know who was in the pictures, and that he was not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>victim</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ken!” Butters popped up on his side, distracting him from yelling at anyone. Butters’ smile look strained as he took Kenny’s hand. “How about you, me, and Karen go to the park to play for a bit?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sighed as he closed his locker; there was no way he was doing any homework tonight. “Butters, I’m fine. You don’t have to keep coddling me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Butters laughed, pressing his palm against his cheek as if that was nonchalant. “I’m not doing that! I just wanna spend time with you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny pulled his hand back ruffled Butters’ hair before pulling out his phone. “All right, let’s—” His blood ran cold, and it must have shown on his face because Butters’ started freaking out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What is it? Did he text you??” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Kenny swallowed, already typing up a response. “Worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can it be worse?” Butters tried looking at his screen, so Kenny tilted it for him to read Kevin’s texts.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenny, come home right after school. I want to talk to you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
  <span></span><br/>
<span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Didn’t you have a shift right now?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I called in. This is more important</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” Kenny let his body fall against the lockers, tears already rising to the back of his eyeballs. “He knows. He knows and he fucking took off </span>
  <em>
    <span>work</span>
  </em>
  <span> because his little brother fucked up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters stayed silent, fiddling with his fingers. He glanced rapidly between Kenny and the floor. “He’s… he’s probably just worried about you, Ken—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want him to worry about me!” Kenny snapped, not caring about how loud he was being right now. “I don’t want </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> to worry about me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> worrying!” Butters didn’t seem to care if they were making a scene in the hallway either. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> worrying!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stopped, staring at Butters as a cold realization slowly dripped down his back. “You told Kevin, didn’t you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters winced, staring off to the side. “Kenny, I—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you fucking serious?” Kenny yelled, hot tears pooling to the corners of his eyes now. “You told on me to my brother!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He asked me if something was wrong!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you lie! You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>apparently</span>
  </em>
  <span> a good liar now!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because we both care about your stubborn ass, Kenneth McCormick!” Butters actually stomped his foot, staring straight into Kenny’s eyes with a hurt frown on his face. “I didn’t tell him specifics, I just told him that something was really wrong with you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny gave a harsh laugh, wiping at his eyes before the tears could fully form. “Oooh, right, like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> isn’t a dead giveaway! Considering what happened today!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny?” A new voice interrupted their conversation. Kenny dropped his hands, staring in frustration at Kyle’s confused face, Stan standing right behind him with wide eyes. “What’s going on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking nothing!” Kenny pushed past everyone, his vision blurring as he sped down the halls. “I’m picking up Karen now, bye.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, wait—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucking follow me, Butters.” He turned around to glare at his boyfriend, hissing, “I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> pissed at you right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters clenched his teeth, tears building at his own eyes as he said, “I’m taking Karen to the park. Just go home.” His words left no room for argument, and Kenny hated that even more.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see you fucking planned this.” Kenny scoffed, continuing down the halls. “Have fun without me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All on the walk home, Kenny sincerely considered hiking out to the train tracks and just waiting for death-by-train. That was honestly preferable to trudging his feet home and listening to whatever Kevin wanted to tell him. Maybe if he killed himself now, Kevin wouldn’t remember that anything’s wrong. On days he dies, the memories of the people around him always get messed with; maybe it would work? But he knew it wouldn’t. Butters had probably talked with Kevin at lunch, during that very long “bathroom break.” There would be too long a time period between that phone call and Kenny’s death for Kevin to forget anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only option was to go home and face the music. He wondered what Kevin would even do; try and ground him maybe? Confiscate all of his nudie mags and condoms and shit? It wasn’t like Kenny even used most of that stuff anymore, Kevin could have them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny jutted his jaw out in front of his teeth to keep himself from crying. He stared up at the front door, his heart pounding loud in his ears as he stepped inside, stomach dropping at the sight of Kevin sitting at the kitchen table, a calm expression on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Ken.” Kevin gestured to the seat opposite him, the smallest of frowns on his face. A white mug was on the table in front of the empty chair. “Mom and dad are gone, so have a seat. I made cocoa.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sucked in a breath, coming in and dropping his backpack by the table before taking his seat. He pulled his gloves off, setting them on the table before grabbing the mug and staring into the dark liquid instead of at his brother. “You’ve really been spoiling us lately, you know?” he tried to joke. “Sub sandwiches, fruit, hot cocoa? I feel practically rich.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin didn’t laugh. He didn’t even breathe out sharply to fake a laugh. Instead, he took a deep breath before simply asking, “Were you the one in Richard’s pictures, Ken?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny wasn’t sure what was worse; the fact that Kevin had pieced everything together so quickly, or that the hot cocoa wasn’t even that good. He bobbed his head once in a nod, hoping Kevin missed it somehow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For how long?” was Kevin’s next question. “How long had he been…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since fifth grade.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Kenny finally glanced up. He felt like his heart had been stabbed when he saw the pure agony in his brother’s scrunched-up face. Kevin looked about ready to cry himself. “That long? Kenny, why didn’t you…” He groaned, covering his eyes with his hands as he took a breath. “I’m so sorry, Ken.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stiffened, putting the mug down as he asked. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m your older brother,” Kevin interrupted, still covering his eyes. “I’m supposed to be looking out for you. I thought something was wrong, but I never could have imagined… fuck me.” A tear fell from his face and onto the table, sending Kenny’s stomach spiraling down into his shoes. He’d prefer Kevin screaming his head off instead of silently crying for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault,” Kenny spoke quietly, staring back into the cocoa that sat on the table. “I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought I could handle it myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin took another breath, his chair creaking as he sat back in it. “Kenny, I know you’re a tough kid, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that, but damn it, let me </span>
  <em>
    <span>help </span>
  </em>
  <span>you once in awhile.” Kenny glanced back up at him, surprised to see tear tracks raining down his cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny closed his eyes, steeling himself as he muttered, “You’re still a kid, too, Kev. I don’t… you have your own problems.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My problems are making sure my little brother and sister are okay.” Kevin’s words were firm, and Kenny couldn’t find any trace of resentment in them. “My problems are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you guys</span>
  </em>
  <span>; school and work come after. I have room to worry about you, especially when it’s something this </span>
  <em>
    <span>big</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kenny!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that big,” Kenny argued weakly, closing his eyes again. “He was fine at first. He only started getting violent recently—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, do you hear yourself?” Kevin dropped his voice to a whisper, as if he was pleading with him. “Why are you defending him?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not!” Kenny felt his heart jump into his throat at the accusation. “Look, I know he’s awful, okay? I know I’m a fucking idiot for ever getting involved with him, but I thought I knew what I was getting into! It’s not like he was my first time, I thought we were just two kids having fun! I didn’t realize he was, was…” Kenny trailed off, tears choking him up as he realized there were so many ways to end that sentence. Manipulative, violent, abusive. Kevin could probably assume all of those. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin’s chair squeaked as he stood, and soon he was pulling Kenny in for a hug. Kenny didn’t respond at first, but the longer Kevin held him, gently rubbing his back, the quicker his resolve cracked. It wasn’t long before he dug his fingers into Kevin’s brown sweater and buried his face against his chest, body shaking from his quiet sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny hated crying. He could never think when hot tears were pouring down his face, when his brain buzzed with too many incoherent thoughts, when the tightness in his chest made him think he was suffocating. And he hated how small he felt being comforted by someone, he hated that he felt so safe and warm wrapped up in his brother’s arms, because it begged the question why he </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> go to him for advice more. Why did he insist on trying to handle everything himself? Why did all of his problems seem so easier to manage when he was ten, and so out of control just three years later? Why did he feel such </span>
  <em>
    <span>shame</span>
  </em>
  <span> surrounding this stupid incident? He’d made mistakes before, he’d done bad things before, </span>
  <em>
    <span>chosen</span>
  </em>
  <span> the wrong thing before, so why was this any different? It was just another one of his stupid mistakes, so why was everyone treating him like some weak victim? Why weren’t people mad at </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> for choosing to go along with Richard? Why was he the only one who was mad at himself?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny.” Kevin whispered, noticing Kenny’s sobs calmed down a little. “What happened in the past, we can’t change. But I want you to know that I love you so much, and I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span> I didn’t help you earlier.” He hugged Kenny a little tighter, promising, “But I will help you now. What you went through… I’m sure you don’t want to admit how much it’s affecting you, but just know that I’m here. To listen, or to just hug like this. And I’ll find you a professional to talk to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny’s blood ran cold, his world spinning around him. No, no, absolutely not. He pulled away, wiping at his eyes. “There’s no way you can afford that—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is not up for debate, Kenny. You are seeing a professional about this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if it means we’ll starve!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are reduced prices for therapists out there, Ken.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need a therapist!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you do!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about it!” Kenny yelled, more tears falling down his face. “Not to anyone! Not about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Richard</span>
  </em>
  <span>—I just want to forget about him! It was a stupid mistake that I won’t make again!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stared right into Kevin’s eyes, even as his vision blurred with more tears. He saw Kevin take a breath and shake his head before repeating again, “This is not up for debate. This isn’t supposed to be a punishment, either; it’s what I think you need right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not dad!” Kenny snapped at him, wiping furiously at his eyes and cursing his body for producing tears in the first place. “You can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>make</span>
  </em>
  <span> me do anything!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, I am basically your legal guardian at this point.” Kevin’s voice was dipping into disappointment, which only sank more guilt into Kenny’s gut. His mind flashed back to last year, when Kevin told him that he was seriously considering adopting both Kenny and Karen when he turned eighteen, just to get them out of the house. Kenny had insisted their parents weren’t that bad, but Kevin seemed to believe that they’d just get worse over the years. He was half right; their parents weren’t physically violent with any of the kids, but having to listen to screaming matches and bottle-throwing fights every other night didn’t exactly help anyone’s mental state. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sniffled and finished wiping at his eyes before he stared down at the table, his arms resting heavily by his sides. “Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, you’re lashing out.” Kevin sighed again. “You’ve been through a lot, Ken. Talking to a professional won’t hurt.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to,” Kenny mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin frowned at him again, searching his younger brother’s face. “You don’t have to talk about Richard on the first session, if that’s what you’re worried about. You can talk about something easier to manage at first, like… home. Plenty of stuff to talk about there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted and closed his eyes. “I don’t need to talk about home, I’m fine. If anything, Karen’s the one who should see a therapist for home stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karen isn’t the one who’s been abused for three years, Kenny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stiffened in his seat, his fists shaking at his sides as he hissed, “I was not </span>
  <em>
    <span>abused</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have sex with Richard! I’m a fucking whore, Kevin, okay!? Just get that through your skull!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin grit his teeth, his eyebrows pushed together as he switched between glaring at his brother and looking ready to cry again. “I could say a lot of things right now, Kenny. But if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have sex with him, then why bother putting him in jail?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny ground his teeth as well, glancing away as he muttered bitterly, “Butters said he didn’t give you specifics. Good to know my boyfriend lies to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> give me specifics. But who else is going to call the cops on Richard if not the victim, Ken?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call me that!”  Kenny pushed away from the table and flung himself to his feet. “I’m done talking! I’m not seeing a therapist, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He booked it towards the door, ignoring his brother’s calls for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he made it outside, he just kept running.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Talk, Talk, Talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Who knew that talking to Cartman could actually be helpful?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kenny ran through town with no discernable destination in mind. Autopilot apparently took over, because when he registered where he was, he saw the school building in front of him. He slowed to a walk after that, focusing more on his breathing and trying to ignore the rat’s nest that were his current thoughts. He found himself heading towards the park next, but he turned away when he remembered that’s where Butters and Karen would be. After about an hour of walking through town, he finally decided to head to Stark’s Pond; hopefully he could find a secluded area to just sit and </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a minute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or, you know. Maybe he’d just run into traffic and disappear into blissful darkness until the next morning. That would be fine, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ugh, no, no… then that’d be another death to add to his rotating nightmares. Fuck, maybe he should break his sobriety and just get cheesed in his alleyway. No, that was too much; he didn’t want to get </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> addicted again, he just wanted a night of nothingness. Maybe he could hike all the way to Tegridy Farms and just get high for the next few days, or go sneak some beers from the corner store.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet even as he thought that, his feet kept him on a course for Stark’s Pond. Deep down he knew why. Your little sister finding you passed out with beer all around you and crying about it all the next day was an experience he’d never forget, and it was something he didn’t want to happen ever again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But if he was sneaky about it…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, no, bad Kenneth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone buzzed for the hundredth time since he’d left. Rolling his eyes, he pulled his phone out to confirm that, yep, both Kevin and Butters were still trying to get ahold of him. He didn’t even try to read their texts before shoving his phone back into his pocket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Screw being good. He needed something. Something </span>
  <em>
    <span>strong</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out his phone again, scrolling through his contacts until he dialed someone he hadn’t talked to in a month: Fatass. If he was lucky, he’d catch Cartman between whatever his academy duties were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Poor Ass.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted, taking a breath and already taking note of how his chest didn’t feel so heavy. “Hey, Fatass. I see the military hasn’t completely changed you yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, they try, my dear Kenny, they try. You’re lucky to have called now, since dinner is soon and I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> missing pizza night.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pizza sounds so good right now.” Kenny sighed and looked up at the twilight sky, admiring the way it was already dark at 5pm. “I’ll make this quick. Do you still have favors with some drug dealers up here? I need a fix fucking bad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Cartman honestly sounded surprised. “I thought that’s why you befriended those alley cats?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny winced. “Dude, come on, you know I’ve been clean of that shit for awhile.” Besides, he really didn’t want another intervention, not when Karen was more likely to remember this incident. “The cats are just calming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh, sure.” Cartman was probably rolling his eyes. “Well, you’re out of luck. I broke ties with my associates already.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” Kenny groaned, letting his eyes close for a bit as he kept walking. “Fuck, come on, you must have something for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if I did, Kenny, Butters already called me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stopped in his tracks, his insides boiling over as he hissed, “What did he say?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put your venom away, snake-boy.” Cartman huffed. “Butters called me in a fit of tears, absolutely panicked and rambling nonsense until I told him to breathe. All he would say was that you were a wreck right now and that under no circumstances was I to encourage your ‘negative coping habits.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course he fucking did.” How many people did Butters tell, damn it? Did Stan and Kyle know, too? Was Butters just going around blabbing his secrets to everyone? Kenny started groaning, which then quickly turned into a scream that he directed at the night sky. “Fuck you, Butters! Seriously!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped walking, instead staring down at the sidewalk as he panted. Screw getting high, now he just wanted to punch something until his knuckles bled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Cartman’s quiet tone caught Kenny off guard. “What the fuck happened, anyway? Last I checked, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> clean of everything for, what, eight months now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t remind me.” Kenny pushed himself to keep walking, ignoring the few people that were still out. They probably had heard him scream, but he was too pissed off to care. “Trying to be good fucking sucks and I’m sick of it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The line between them was silent. For a second, Kenny wondered if Cartman would surprise him with some insightful comment, or even some empathy for God’s sake. Instead he found himself laughing when Cartman spoke next. “Stop being a fucking drama queen and tell me what happened.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, fine.” Kenny laughed a bit more before staring down at the sidewalk. “Remember Richard?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Cartman went quiet as he thought about him for a minute. He actually gasped before muttering, “No.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmhm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still in contact with that asshole!?” Cartman was practically spitting into the mic. “He made your ass bleed for a week, Kenny!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny winced, his backside stinging a little bit just from the memory. “Yeah, yeah. He’s in jail now, but, he kind of…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What did he do??” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He threatened to go after Karen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... WHAT?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t even told Kevin that yet.” Kenny sighed, his shoulders slumping just a little. “But, yeah. When he said that, Butters and I came up with a plan to put him in jail.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ, Kenny.” Shuffling was heard on his end; maybe he was moving to a different room? “I hate being out of the loop like this. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be back in South Park for high school.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good luck with that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need </span>
  <em>
    <span>luck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Cartman already sounded way too confident. “But anyway, what else happened? I don’t see why Butters would be freaking out at you if the problem’s dealt with?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny clenched his teeth together, shaking his head. “He and my brother seem to believe that I need ‘help’ still, and Kev’s pushing for therapy. I say fuck that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The line went silent again. Kenny smiled a little in anticipation for Cartman to say something crude or insulting, but instead he felt ice forming at his back when his friend spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe that’s a good idea, Kenny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not you too.” Kenny scoffed and rolled his eyes. “No offense, but you’re really not the friend I go to for advice on how to be a good person.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha, very funny. I’m serious.” Cartman took a deep breath, admitting, “I’ve been in therapy ever since I came here, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny’s eyes widened in surprise. “What, like, actually? You didn’t scare the therapist off after five minutes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried, but she was a stubborn bitch. And one I’m ultimately grateful for, now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Cartman?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just shut up and listen! God, I know you’re not so poor that you can’t pay attention.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, what a terrible pun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!!” Cartman grumbled something under his breath before speaking again. “The </span>
  <em>
    <span>point</span>
  </em>
  <span> is, therapy isn’t so bad. All it does is help you think about your problems in different ways so that they don’t bother you so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> bothered.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, you can’t fool me with that shit, and it sounds like you’re not fooling anyone else either.” Cartman sighed again. “You told me once that you seriously consider offing yourself whenever things get too much. And I know, I know, death treats you weirdly, but that’s still </span>
  <em>
    <span>messed up</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kenny. It’s like you’re taking self-harm to a whole new level just because of your fucking voodoo powers or whatever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny found himself slumping over, that small feeling threatening to overtake him. “I haven’t done that in awhile.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you still </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about it. Or you find something else to distract you, like calling me for drugs. Or you disassociate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny scrunched his nose up, dumbfounded. “I don’t—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters said you’ve been disassociating more and more lately.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I haven’t noticed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really? How much of today do you remember?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny had absolutely no idea why </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was coming into the picture. “I remember breakfast and Butters calling the cops on Richard.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember anything about classes? Or hell, lunch?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Kenny hesitated for a moment, realizing he only remembered one thing, and it was kinda foggy. “Butters took a long bathroom break. Oh! And kids kept gossiping.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else is there to remember?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee, how about the fact that Butters had to call your name at least ten times every time before you responded?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny felt more ice sticking to his back. If that was true, then it made sense why Butters was so worried about him. “Okay, well… fuck, it’s just one day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to believe that, Kenny, but I’ve been hearing a pattern when Butters calls me every week.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still can’t believe he calls you </span>
  <em>
    <span>weekly</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up and take this seriously! God, Kenny, did you ever stop to think that </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> if everyone around you is worried, then they have good reason to be? If you don’t want to get better for your own dumb ass, you at least owe it to them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny stopped again, this time just outside of Stark’s Pond. “I’m f—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say you’re fine I swear to God I will hitchhike to your house and beat your ass.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I’d win.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the point!” Cartman sounded ready to start growling at him. “Fuck, Kenny, just see a therapist! Everyone else can see that something’s wrong except you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t that bad.” Kenny grit his teeth, walking towards a thick clearing of trees. “I’m not this helpless abuse victim that everyone keeps calling me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cartman groaned </span>
  <em>
    <span>loudly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for three full seconds. “Kenny, I knew Richard was abusive from the moment you told me about him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Takes one to know one, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were still </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kenny. Even if you don’t feel like a ‘victim,’ you’re still suffering. Am I right? You don’t have to answer that, I know I am.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny plopped down by the base of a tree, letting his head fall back against the rough bark and enjoying the way the snow numbed his ass. “That academy really has changed you, hasn’t it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, do you always deflect like this when you’re actually dealing with your problems?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno.” Kenny sighed and closed his eyes, his arm feeling way too heavy as he held the phone by his ear. The cold wind bit at his hands and whatever skin was exposed on his face, and he dug his free hand into the snow just to feel the ice prick at his bare skin. “I wonder how painful hypothermia is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously? You’re self-harming while on the phone with me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the fuck are you right now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cartman’s loud swears stung Kenny’s ears at first, but he didn’t have the strength to move the phone away. “God, is it really worth killing yourself over this!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax. I’ll be back the next morning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not the </span>
  <em>
    <span>point!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else am I supposed to do, Cartman?” Kenny would have started yelling if he felt up to it. As it was right now, his brain was just as fuzzy as the snow all around him. His own voice sounded foreign to him, like he was listening to a recording. “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to think about what happened, and I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t have any drugs, I’m too pissed at Butters to go see him, and there’s no way I want Karen to see me like this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cartman was groaning yet again, but when he spoke next Kenny couldn’t make out any distinct words. It all just turned to static and noise, filling his brain before leaving out the top of his head like thick smoke. He only lightly snapped out of it when Cartman paused in his ramblings for a second, his voice becoming more and more clear afterwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kenny!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Can you even hear me you fucking bastard?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t hear a thing I just said, did you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was talking for two minutes, Kenny. Still think you’re not disassociating?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get your ass out of the snow or I’m telling Butters.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know where I am.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, gee, as if there’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so many places</span>
  </em>
  <span> in South Park you could be. My guess is Stark’s Pond.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up and get warm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sighed, pulling his hand out of the snow and shaking it out. He winced at how painful it was to have warm blood shooting into the numb flesh, but honestly he’d prefer that to thinking right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, I swear to God, if you can’t hear me right now—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can hear you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, good. What I was saying before was that you know what </span>
  <em>
    <span>else</span>
  </em>
  <span> a therapist does? Help you find new coping skills. So that you don’t end up </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurting </span>
  </em>
  <span>yourself just for an escape.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny actually laughed, digging his freezing hand under his hood and into his hair. He enjoyed the coldness on his scalp for a second before mumbling, “I can’t believe even you’re telling me to see a shrink.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee, it’s almost like the universe is trying to tell you something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. But at least tell your brother you’ll think about it—get him off your back while you deal with your shit brain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted, staring down at the snow he was still sitting in. He couldn’t feel his butt anymore. “I’ll probably be fine after a few days.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ever think that maybe constantly telling yourself you’ll ‘be fine’ is what got you here in the first place?” Cartman sighed again. “You know, Butters had been trying to build up the nerve to talk to you about therapy ever since you two started dating.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny curled his legs closer to his chest, wrapping his still-numb hand around them. “He told you that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because for some reason he cares about your dumb ass.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny clenched his teeth, his insides still squirming and boiling when he thought about his sweet boyfriend telling on him to his brother. “I’m really pissed at him right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he told Kevin that something is wrong! God, Kev took off work to come talk to me, and now he’s not gonna shut up about therapy, and I just… I didn’t want him involved.” </span>
</p><p><span>“Jesus, Kenny.” Cartman’s tone had a bitter edge to it now. “Do you realize you’re actually lucky to have</span> <span>not one, but </span><em><span>two</span></em><span> people who want to help you? What else did Kevin even do? I can’t see him yelling at you.” </span></p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t.” Kenny closed his eyes tight, remembering how his brother’s tears fell onto their kitchen table. “He cried for me. I hated it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things were silent between them again, but not for too long this time. “So, if it was up to you, everyone would just forget that anything happened to you? They’d just stop worrying?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that would be great.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right. I wanna ask you this: what’s the worst case scenario if you just went home right now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny opened his eyes again, staring up at the night sky. He let himself ramble without giving it much thought. “Well, Karen and Butters might be there, and Karen would probably ask me if anything’s wrong and I’d try not to cry because dear </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span> I definitely don’t want her worrying about me. Kevin and Butters would be trying to get me to see a therapist, and I’d probably just duck into my room and wait for them to stop. Or I’d yell at Butters again, and then he’d start crying…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Kevin wouldn’t kick you out or anything,” Cartman cut in. “Because he loves you and just wants you to be safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Karen probably feels the same way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Butters would probably just take your abuse, thinking he deserves it for making you angry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say that.” Kenny groaned and buried his face into his knees, his insides twisting in guilt now. “I wouldn’t ‘abuse’ him, I’d just tell him I’m mad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to break up with him over this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Kenny clutched his legs tighter. “No! Why would I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it sounds like you’re pushing everyone away in this fucked up desire to ‘not have people worry about you.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t have people that genuinely like you and </span>
  <em>
    <span>also</span>
  </em>
  <span> expect them not to worry about you. That’s not how it works. And!” Cartman was starting to yell now. “You know what else? Why is it okay for you to worry about </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>,</em> but they can’t return the favor? You’re not that special, Kenny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, I get your point.” Kenny groaned, finally pushing himself to his feet. His legs were filled with pins and needles, and he almost tumbled back into the snow as he stretched out. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never said you did, asshole. But you have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>accept</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. God, the amount of things I’ve been told to accept… Never mind!” Cartman cleared his throat. “Are you heading back now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, because the pizza is almost ready. See ya, loser!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted, grinning a bit as he teased, “You know, you almost sounded like Kyle during this call.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut. Your. Whore. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mouth</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>." </em> He hung up quickly after that, and Kenny snickered at his friend’s expense. Still such a touchy boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that Cartman wasn’t there to distract him, Kenny felt a familiar pit of guilt and dread seeping into his stomach. He really couldn’t ignore everyone forever, and even if he did disappear for the rest of the night he’d still have to face them the next day, or the day after that… He sighed, thinking that it would be better to get this over with. He’d tell Kevin he’d think about therapy, and he’d talk to Butters about… he wasn’t sure. He’d heard a lot of things tonight that he wanted to talk with him about. And Karen, he’d just tell her that her big bro is dealing with something right now. Hopefully that would be enough for her.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My thoughts on Cartman are conflicted. I know he's supposed to be the worst type of person, but he's shown to be capable of change and becoming a good person, it just doesn't last long. So, I'd like to think he can become a good person (after apologizing to the people he's hurt, mainly Kyle).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Little By Little</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kenny and Butters finally talk things out, which unfortunately for Kenny means he has to share more of his thoughts and feelings.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kenny opened up the messaging app on his phone, sighing at the sight of unread messages from Kevin and Butters (and Stan and Kyle, oh God). There was also one from Karen that was simply a row of sparkling hearts; her little way of checking up on him. He smiled a little and answered her first with a row of orange hearts, then he clicked Butters’ name and dialed right away. He did not have the energy to read through a bunch of frantic texts right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters picked up super quick, and it was obvious he’d been crying. “Kenny? Are you okay? Where are you? Kevin said you ran out and haven’t been back yet and—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay.” Kenny sighed, closing his eyes. He’d never felt angry hearing Butters’ voice before; it was a weird experience. “I’m coming back home. Are you there, too?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, yeah… your dad came home drunk, so Kev told me to hide in your room. You didn’t get our texts?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t looked at them yet.” Kenny let the line go dead for awhile as he kept walking. “I’m still really mad at you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Butters’ voice cracked. “I know I should have talked to you first about telling Kevin anything, but anytime I tried to talk to you today you just… stared into space. Or you’d hum something under your breath. The end of school was the only time you really responded to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny sighed, pulling at the skin under his left eye. “I’m sorry for freaking you out, but you could have just waited a </span>
  <em>
    <span>day</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like you said, I was fine by the end of school.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters was silent for a moment. “Kenny, this isn’t the first time you’ve acted like that at school, you know. Or even at home, when we’re hanging out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Cartman was saying something like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You called Eric?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax, he didn’t give me any drugs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Butters cut himself off. “I mean, I’m just glad that you’re reaching out to other friends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted. “Even if it’s Cartman?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you two are close. Eric says you know a lot of each other’s secrets.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s true.” Kenny fiddled with the end of his coat as he mumbled, “So, what were you saying before?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Right.” Butters paused again, and Kenny could just imagine all of his nervous habits. Chewing at his lip, fiddling with his fingers; God it was unfair that Butters was still so adorable even when he was angry at him. “Well, I have a theory after seeing how you were today. I think… I think every time you think about Richard is when you just, aren’t there anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny felt like liquid metal was slowly making its way through his body. “Why do you say that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I… I first noticed you kept zoning out while we were making out, whenever I touched near your low back.” Kenny’s back started itching just from Butters saying anything, and he grit his teeth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “I just figured ‘okay, he doesn’t want to be touched there,’ and I didn’t think anymore about it until I started realizing you were zoning out in class sometimes, too. Like you weren’t doodling or making origami, just staring into space. And… and I guess I can’t know for sure, but I’m guessing Richard’s been texting you all this time? And that’s why you’ve been like this?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny wasn’t sure when he’d stopped walking, but all he was aware of right now was how numb his legs felt, how his back was switching between burning and shivering, and how he felt hot tears pooling in his eyes again. God, had he really been that off this whole time? How could he have not noticed? No wonder everyone was so fucking worried about him. “Yeah,” Kenny croaked out, closing his eyes as if to try and stop the tears. “He was. He was and I was just ignoring it because he kept sending fucking dick pics and I didn’t want you to worry, or think I was cheating or something, and, and…” He covered his face with his free hand, trying to wipe at any stray tears that broke through. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was doing that while we were together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, you do not have to apologize for that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you deserve better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is not about me!!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Kenny took a breath, mumbling, “But I don’t want it to be about me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters was silent for a long moment. Kenny took another breath and started walking again before that quiet voice came through the phone. “Are you almost here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got a few blocks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right. Come in through the window when you get here, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you staying tonight?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want me to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to get grounded.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters snorted. “Yeah, that’s the least of my concerns right now. Tweek is covering for me, anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cooking club practice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Kenny smiled a little. “You got Tweek to join then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah! I never got to tell you! Tweek was being real stubborn at first, but with me and Craig encouraging him he finally said he’d give it a shot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great.” Kenny sniffled again, wiping at the last of his tears. “I bet Coffee Bean likes having other gay pals.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He does.” Butters chuckled a little. “He said he’d like to try and be better friends with you, too, he just felt like he didn’t have anything in common.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now he does?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I reminded him that you’re both pretty good actors! He seemed pleased with that. Oh, and then Craig started bugging Tweek about doing the musicals in high school, and Tweek grabbed his lips and told him to hush!” Butters giggled, and the sound warmed Kenny’s insides like a bowl of warm, chicken noodle soup. “It was really funny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet.” Kenny found himself smiling, walking just a little bit faster. “He’d probably be good in the musicals.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d be good, too!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it.” Kenny laughed lightly, shaking his head. “Would you do a musical?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, geez. I really haven’t danced in a long time… I could maybe do a background character!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, but I wanna hear you sing, Buttercup.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters giggled again, and Kenny smiled more. “I’ll sing if you want, but you have a better voice than me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so?” Kenny hummed, joking, “Maybe I should become an opera singer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about becoming a rock star?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, too small for me now.” Kenny laughed along with Butters, feeling lighter than he had all day. “Gotta go for the big leagues.” The two continued laughing for a little longer, but when the silence stretched between them again Kenny could feel more tears threatening to build. He swallowed once before whispering, “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything?” Kenny sighed, pulling his hood down so he could feel the cold against his scalp. “For getting mad, for not talking to you about all this sooner. Though I did warn you I was bad at talking about feelings.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware. But, you’re trying, and that’s all that matters to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted, lifting a hand up to pull at his face again. “Really? I was going to break up with you just to fling myself at Richard, how is that trying?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were panicking, Ken. And, honestly, that’s just another reason why you should see a professional.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny outwardly groaned, taking Cartman’s advice as he mumbled, “I’ll think about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really!?” Butters’ voice crackled as it came through the receiver, he was so loud. “Will you actually? Kevin said you were really against the idea, and I thought ‘oh boy this is gonna have to be something I keep talking with him about,’ but if you’re really going to consider it then I’m really happy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…” Shit, now he had to </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> think about it. “Yeah, give me, like, two weeks or something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fine by me.” Butters sighed in relief. “Kevin will be glad, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny chewed at his lip, staying silent as he finally made it to his house. He started walking through the backyard, heading towards the light pouring through his window before mumbling, “Window open?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Butters’ head popped up from inside the room, smiling like usual as he opened the window all the way for him. “It’s so good to see you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted and hung up the phone, glancing away as he gripped the window pane. “You saw me a few hours ago.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can still miss you,” Butters insisted as Kenny climbed in. “I wasn’t sure you’d even come home tonight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny gave a short laugh, trying not to think about how he almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> come home. “Yeah, uh… I wasn’t really in the mood for people till now.” He turned around and shut the window, more aware of his shivering now that he was out of the cold. He jumped when he felt a blanket being wrapped around his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Kenny turned around, watching Butters taking a step back with his hands behind his back. “You looked cold.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny gripped the blanket around him so it wouldn’t fall, staring right into Butters’ bright eyes. He knew he still had a right to be angry, but it was difficult to be mad at someone who just wanted you to be okay. “Thanks.” He took a deep breath, stepping past him to sit on his bed instead. He looked up at Butters, chuckling a little at how awkward he looked standing in the middle of his room. “You can sit next to me, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Butters quickly stepped over and plopped next to him, smiling sheepishly. “I wasn’t sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Kenny sighed, staring into his lap. “I’m not mad anymore, I think. I’m just exhausted, and…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny clenched his teeth, letting the blanket fall around him so he could grab Butters’ hand, squeezing it tightly. “It doesn’t feel real. Richard being in jail, you know? I haven’t processed it yet. I’m still worried he’s going to find Karen somehow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters frowned, squeezing Kenny’s hand as he let that sink in. “Well… I think it’s normal to worry about that. But he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> in jail, Ken. You’re safe, and Karen is safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters creased his brows together. “What do you mean by that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny looked away, his stomach feeling hollow as he muttered, “Richard said something that I…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did he say?” Butters prompted gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny shook his head, closing his eyes. “It’s awful. He said, ‘you wanted it at ten, why wouldn’t she?’ And when he said that, I.” His voice cut out, so he had to swallow before speaking again. “I realized that people are going to judge her based on </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> reputation. They’ll think she’s ready to have sex or do any of the shit I did and she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waited for Butters to say something, but for once he was speechless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m so mad at myself,” Kenny continued, more tears somehow finding their way to the corners of his eyes. “If anything ever happens to her it’ll be my fault.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wouldn’t be your fault, Ken.” Butters squeezed his hand again, leaning closer even if Kenny still wasn’t looking at him. “If anyone hurts Karen that’s on </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess.” Kenny sniffled, not believing a word of that as he wiped his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karen’s a strong girl,” Butters told him quietly. “She… okay, well, she didn’t want me to tell you, but she’s already had to reject a few boys.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny felt absolutely puzzled as he turned to look at him. “Why didn’t she tell me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters snorted, rolling his eyes before pinning Kenny with a sardonic eyebrow raise. “Well, much like her brother, she ‘didn’t want you to worry.’” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Um, whoops?” Kenny hunched over a little, smiling out of awkwardness. Shit, that wasn’t something he wanted to teach her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmhm.” Butters huffed, shaking his head a little before continuing. “So, don’t tell her I said any of this, but she knows how to handle herself. She kicked a boy in the shin for asking for a kiss!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny laughed, rubbing at his eyes again. “That’s my girl.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, so she’ll be okay.” Butters squeezed Kenny’s hand again. “Thankfully she knows how to reach out to </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> for help.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, a direct stab at me, huh?” Kenny gently tugged his hand away so he could turn his back towards Butters. “Hey, I think there’s a knife there, can you pull it out?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God.” Butters snorted and covered his mouth, trying not to laugh. “Pretty sure I’ve heard my </span>
  <em>
    <span>dad</span>
  </em>
  <span> use that one, Ken.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a good one!” Kenny snickered a little as he faced him again. “What does she think is going on with me, anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um…” Butters rubbed at the back of his neck, glancing away. “I just told her you’re dealing with some rough stuff right now, and that you’d tell her what’s wrong when you’re ready. Kevin repeated basically the same thing, and said that he was trying to help you, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good at least.” Kenny sighed, staring down at the bed. “She probably cried, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ken, I love how much you care about your family, but you have to focus on you right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not great at that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Butters had clenched teeth underneath his smile now. “But we’re working on it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny paused for a moment, taking in the sight of Butters looking so tense before grinning. “You look cute when you want to punch me in the face.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not want to do that!” Butters groaned and flopped back onto the bed, pressing his palms into his eyes. “Look, today has been the worst. Let’s just watch a movie or something and go to sleep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Butters it’s, like, not even six.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s watch the Hobbit! It’ll be bedtime after that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted and laid on his side next to Butters, gripping the edge of his shirt loosely between his fingers. “Maybe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters turned on his side, curling up a little as he looked at Kenny, his eyes wide and hopeful. “Unless… you want to talk more?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little?” Kenny reached a hand up to poke Butters’ cheek, smiling at the pout he was given in return. “I more just wanted to ask about the… I don’t even know how to word it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay.” Butters took Kenny’s hand in his, entwining their fingers. “Take your time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Kenny sighed, closing his eyes as he thought it over in his head. “I don’t think I fully realized I was zoning out. But, um… this is so weird to say out loud.” He opened his eyes and took note of how Butters was looking at him, those baby blue eyes holding no judgement. “When I think about Richard I just feel itchy. And it’s especially worse if I think about him touching me—like right now, my back’s already on fire.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters frowned, squeezing Kenny’s hand tightly. “That doesn’t sound fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not.” Kenny sighed, letting his eyes close again. “I kind of just got used to it. But when you said that thing about you touching my back, I realized… yeah, I feel itchy then, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Butters squeezed his hand again, probably not knowing what else to do. “Why didn’t you tell me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m Kenny McCormick?” he laughed, but it sounded quiet and empty to his ears. “I’m a horndog! I’m not supposed to feel weird about sex stuff.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Geez Louise.” Butter sighed, pressing his free hand into his face. “Maybe I do want to punch you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, knew it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whether you accept it or not, you went through something traumatic,” Butters continued, dropping his hand onto the bed to frown at him. “And it’s clearly affecting you. And that’s okay, it’s to be expected!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no.” Kenny pulled away, turning onto his back so he didn’t have to look at Butters. “I’ll get over it in no time, especially now that Richard’s in jail.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t ‘get over’ something if you keep saying there’s nothing to overcome.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny groaned quietly and turned his face away, chewing at his lower lip as the silence stretched between them. “I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like I haven’t been…” Kenny scrunched his face up. No, that was the wrong way to start. He turned his head the other way so he could see Butters’ eyes. “It just seems unfair to you that I have all these ‘issues’ now, when you were probably expecting my more confident and comfortable self.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, for goodness’ sakes, Kenny.” Butters sat up, his narrowed eyes keeping Kenny pinned to the bed. “You could tell me right now that you never want to have sex again and I would be perfectly okay with that! I like </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s still—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Up up up!” Butters put his finger to Kenny’s mouth, shaking his head. “No buts. I don’t want to hear anything unless it’s about giving yourself a fucking break.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, you swore,” Kenny couldn’t help but tease. “That’s how I know it’s serious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters huffed, pinching Kenny’s lips together as he grumbled, “Shut up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny pushed Butters’ hand away just so he could purr, “Make me~” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters raised a brow at him, grinning a little. “Oh, you think you deserve to be kissed after all of this shit you put us through today?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny grinned back, feeling goosebumps run across his arms. He loved when Butters got all snarky; his voice simply had a very attractive quality to it when he did. “A man can dream, can’t he?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters scoffed and rolled his eyes before hopping off the bed. “Let me think about it while I go tell your brother you’re back. And relax—I’ll let him know that you’re fine, and that you’re thinking about therapy, and that you’ll talk to him tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny curled up on his side again, mumbling meekly, “You think he’ll be fine with that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters paused at the door, turning to smile softly at Ken. “Of course. He loves you a lot, Ken.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Kenny sighed, bringing his knees further up so he could bury his face against them. “Can you tell him I’m sorry for being a dick?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be my pleasure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny smiled, watching Butters open up the door before whispering, “I love you, Butterfly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters stopped again, his cheeks turning pink as he looked back with a wider smile. “I love you, too, Ken.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaah, I love when characters try and work things out together! ;w; <br/>The next/last chapter is mainly just fluff and comedy, while tying up a few loose ends, so to speak. :3  <br/>Thank you to everyone who's been reading and/or commenting, it really means a lot to me ^-^ I was kind of nervous about posting something with an "M" rating (especially considering the subject matter), but I'm glad people have been enjoying the journey!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A Quick Valentine's</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Healing is a slow process, but Kenny feels more than just "fine" on this Valentine's Day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>One month later</em>
  </b>
  <b>.</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think Butters will like it?” Karen was standing at the kitchen counter, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she beamed up at Kenny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Kenny ruffled her hair, smiling warmly. “He’ll appreciate anything that helps with the Valentine’s bake sale." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the frosting doesn’t look the best…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have heart and that’s all that matters. Besides, they’re delicious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re right.” Karen reached her hand towards one of the desserts they had made, but Kenny gently pushed it away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsk tsk, you’ve already had three.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But they’re soooo good!” Karen whined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny chuckled and looked across their creations, picking out the one that looked slightly worse than all the others. “Fine, you can have this one but </span>
  <em>
    <span>no more</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>.”</em> </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” Karen beamed and eagerly chomped into it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The front door opened then, and Kenny turned to smile at the sight of Kevin walking in, a bag of groceries in hand. “Hey bro! Is that dinner?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm.” Kevin nodded, coming over and showing them the contents. “Yeah, got some mac n cheese, hot dogs, and peas.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay!” Karen gave a big smile, crumbs falling off of her cheeks. “I’ll boil water!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on, Kare-Bear. Have you done any of your homework, or have you just been helping Ken the whole time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... I did a little? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin chuckled and set the bag on the table. “Go work on it some more. We’ll make dinner, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karen pouted, but nodded in agreement before shoving the last of her sweet treat in her mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she ran off, Kevin inspected the kitchen counter more closely, laughing a little when he saw what they’d made. “Seriously?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny grinned wide, putting his hands behind his back to appear innocent. “Don’t you think Butters will like them?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin rolled his eyes before ruffling Kenny’s hair. “Sure, let’s go with that. How was your call today?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It went okay.” Kenny glanced away, his mouth running dry. Even though this was the third time calling his new therapist over the phone, it still felt weird. “I like being able to walk while we talk, so that’s something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin smiled, pulling him in for a hug. “Glad to hear it. She’s a good fit, then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Kenny nodded, wrapping his arms loosely around his brother in return. “She lets me rant and stuff, and tells me I’m stupid in nice ways.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin snorted. “Oh, is that right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You bet!” Kenny pulled away, still grinning wide as he gathered plates to set the table. “Like how it’s really ‘noble’ of me to not want people to worry, but that all humans need help at some point in their lives, so I shouldn’t feel ashamed for needing help, blah blah blah, I’m an idiot who should reach out more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, she says it just like that, huh?” Kevin chuckled and shook his head, pulling the hot dogs out of the grocery bag. “She sounds perfect for you then.” </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Kenny grinned to himself as he walked down the school hallway the next morning, a cardboard box of delicious baked goods in his hands. The bake sale booth was right up ahead, Butters and Tweek having already been there for an hour to sell people all sorts of goodies that the cooking club had made. The table was pretty sparse since it was the last day to sell anything, what with Valentine’s Day being tomorrow, which is why Kenny was sure they’d appreciate his little donation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan was the only one at the booth currently, tapping at his chin as he looked at what was left. “Wow, you’ve really cleared out, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been here every day, God.” Tweek chuckled, resting his head in his hand with a tall cup of coffee in front of him. “Haven’t you bought Kyle enough sweets by now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already told you they weren’t all for Kyle!” Stan snapped, his cheeks flushing pink anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters snickered a bit before adding, “Yeah, just the one that said ‘to my firecracker’ was for him~” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God, shut up.” Stan groaned and covered his face right as Kenny set his box down on the booth. “You guys suck.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Firecracker?” Kenny just had to join in on the teasing. “Ooh, that’s a good one. I’m more partial to calling him Carrot Cake myself, but—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop calling him that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, lighten up.” Kenny chuckled and wrapped his arm around Stan’s shoulders. “Hey, you could call him that if you want! I don’t mind sharing nicknames.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters chuckled before standing up, pulling Kenny’s box closer to him. “So, you made something for us to sell? We’ll have to taste-test it to make sure they’re—” His voice cut out when he opened the box, his face turning bright pink once he saw what baked goods were inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweek stood as well to peek inside the box, immediately breaking into laughter. “Oh my God that’s hilarious!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, what is it?” Stan asked, leaning over the booth. “Is it dick cookies or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not this time.” Kenny grinned, eyes only on Butters, who was becoming more flustered by the minute. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you make them all look like me!?” Butters asked, finally pulling out one of the little packages of butterball cookies Kenny and Karen had made. But they weren’t just plain butterballs, no—each one had a tuft of yellow frosting on the top, and a cute smiley face in black icing on the front. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan snorted and covered his face, trying not to laugh. “Wow, dude, that’s way corny.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny grinned, winking at Butters. “I just find butterballs to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> delicious~” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters choked and quickly shoved the cookie back inside, covering them back up as he stammered. “We c-can’t sell these!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why not?” Kenny snickered, teasingly flicking at Butters’ nose. “I know you’ve been getting Valentine’s all week. So, since none of the girls can have the real thing they can at least have a little butterball of their own.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those were just friend valentines and you know it!!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Butters!” Tweek was thoroughly enjoying this as he pulled Kenny’s box away from him. “We’re running out of our own stock, and Kenny clearly put so much time and effort into making these.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, but…!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The worst that could happen is that no one buys them.” Tweek shrugged, already setting the bags of cookies out on their table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, but people will think I’m a narcissist for selling these!” Butters argued, covering his reddened face with his hands. “Or they’ll think my Valentine made them…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But your Valentine </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> make them.” Tweek pointed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but they don’t need to know that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny snorted with laughter, clutching his stomach as he tried to get himself under control. “You’re so cute I could eat you up!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush, mister!” Butters reached across the table to pinch Kenny’s ear, grinning at how Kenny squirmed and tried pushing his hand away, but he was not to be deterred so easily. “If that’s how you want to play it, then don’t be surprised if you get an embarrassing gift tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny kept himself upright by placing both hands on the booth, staring into Butters’ eyes before winking again. “Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I promise I’ll be good, dad—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweek whacked him in the head before he could finish that sentence. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>NO</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I hate, hate, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> hearing that word!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> call Butters that?” Stan asked, laughing a little harder now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only to annoy me.” Butters let Kenny’s ear go, glancing away in embarrassment as he crossed his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kenny snickered, brushing off his shirt. “With how often Butters buys me things, he’s basically my sugar—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweek whacked him again. “I SAID NO.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny just kept laughing, rubbing at his head as he stared at Tweek now. “Damn, Craig’s lucky he’s a masochist.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh!” Tweek threw his hands up in frustration. “Butters, how the hell do you put up with him!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of patience.” Butters chuckled a little, smiling softly at his boyfriend now. “And just as much love.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awww.” Kenny put a hand over his heart. Then whacked Stan in the stomach with the other, since his friend was pretending to gag. “You’re the sweetest, Butterfly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God.” Tweek rolled his eyes. “The two of you should just come out already, then you can be this disgusting all the time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tweek, that is big talk coming from you.” Stan picked up one of the butterball bags. “Weren’t you caught making out with Craig in the bathroom, like, yesterday?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweek’s face bloomed bright red as he hissed, “We were not making out it was just one kiss!! Clyde just happened to walk in at the </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst</span>
  </em>
  <span> time, or the best time if you ask him, and then he started spreading fucking rumours—ugh!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters chuckled and rubbed Tweek’s back to soothe him. “There there, buddy. No one’s making fun of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweek grumbled under his breath, his eye twitching as he glared at Stan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, making out in the bathrooms?” Kenny rocked back and forth on his feet once, winking at Butters. “That sounds pretty romantic.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God.” Butters covered his face again as both Stan and Tweek tried not to laugh at him. “Kenny, go to the classroom.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got it, dad—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tweek interrupted with a loud scream. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>DON’T MAKE ME HIT YOU AGAIN!</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Woo! We've made it to the end! :D I had a blast writing this, and I hope everyone enjoyed it up to this point ^-^ <br/>I know I left certain things open-ended, so if anyone has any specific questions feel free to put them in the comments or shoot me an ask at my tumblr (annzybwrites.tumblr.com)! </p><p>Thank you again to everyone who read, commented, and/or enjoyed the story, it really does mean a lot. I write for myself, true, but if I decide to share that writing then my biggest hope is to see others enjoying the journey like I did &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please consider messaging me on my tumblr (annzybwrites.tumblr.com) to ask questions or share headcanons! :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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